Thursday, February 9, 2017

Responding to a blog post and some dorky pictures

I came across a really interesting article over the weekend that is posted on the blog section off of the Belfry Network's page.

Essentially, the author, from what I understand is also a DJ called Aytakk who wrote about his opinions on being Goth and discrimination. This is the article I am referencing:

The article begins by Aytakk making a commentary on how it took him three drafts to write that post - something I can relate to and I smiled at his honesty. He also made a reference to US politics and Black Friday in which I assumed it was because she was refused entry to the Louvre recently due to her style.

Aytakk then comments on how social media can be narcissistic, how we all want to project our own brand of person. I am not going to comment on this...after all, I am the little corp goth girl, right?

Which leads to...

Being Goth in a mainstream world.

Aytakk wrote it best so I am just going to quote him here: "There is good reason why people in the goth subculture have to stress again and again that you don't have to be "on" 24/7. Its not because we can't do it all the time or if we are afraid to. Sometimes its simply a matter of survival or being able to do the things we want to do."

I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. I work as a receptionist. While corporate policy doesn't really have a dress code, there are definitely certain articles of clothing I own that are best kept for at home (*cough cough* club and fetish gear being a shinning example). In fact, considering a lot of my colleagues have come into the office with holes in their jeans or wearing shirts with skulls on them, and I can't, I could technically scream discrimination. I don't and I never will. The way I see it, I am the first point of contact anyone makes when they walk in the building and while my work will often overlook A LOT of the things I do wear, I want to remain moderately "professional" and friendly. Not everyone is open minded and as much as I wish I could be accepted for the wonderful, cute person I am, I know not everyone likes the Goth look and some people make all kinds of stupid assumptions. It sucks but I am happy that I can dress the way I want (within reason) so I am not going to complain.

In addition, I can't be "on" 24/7 because I am also a Mom. I work 40 hours a week to come home, cook, help my kid with his homework, and by the end of the night, I want to watch Star Trek on Netflix! I also have some health issues. There are days, I just wear sweat pants and a t-shirt then call it a day because I feel like shit. I have also changed my lifestyle and exercise often. I am not going to work out in my stompy boots and corsets!

Aytakk describes many places that do have dress codes. He gives many examples from fancy restaurants and how certain night clubs refused entry to those wearing jeans and visible tattoos. That dressing in full goth gear all the time, we should be used to this kind of stigma. If we want to go to certain places that have dress codes, we have to tone it down. I wish things could be different but we don't live in that world. I choose to dress a certain way, I lose my right to bitch about it. I think the author describes this well in his article.  I especially liked the advice he did have to offer:

"But that doesn't mean we have to lie back and take it. The more alternative people are going about looking... well... alternative, the more people get used to seeing it. Given strange looking weirdoes (in a good way) have been around since forever you would think this wouldn't matter nowadays.  Yet it does because NO I AM NOT GOING INTO A POLITICAL RANT ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF THE WORLD.
If someone discriminates then call them out on it. Alternatively, keep asking why until they are forced to admit to it with their own words and realize their action was discriminatory. Then you discover if it was an accident, just following the bosses orders or if they really are an arsehole.  Don't be accusatory though. It makes people defensive of their stance and they won't learn anything. Also its good to know what you have to tone down if you want to come back and if their rules are strict so it doesn't happen again."

I can attest. I have done this in the past (not at my job but dealing with people in general) and it works! 

 Aytakk makes a commentary about promoting your own personal brand of Goth online (re:Youtube) and essentially states that some kids watching these videos only see the aesthetics behind Goth, nothing else behind the subculture. They see it as a fashion statement with no substance.

To a certain degree, I am guilty of this with my outfit posts and my recent one about changing my hair color. On the other hand, I have also made a tonne of music references here, I wrote about attending some events and there are tons of photos of me on this blog where I am really toned down. I even have photos of me in workout clothes (I admit, bragging rights because I lost weight and all!)Personally, I want to show everyone, you don't need to be "on" all the time and I am very comfortable being myself, even if it doesn't mean that I am not dressed Goth as fuck!  I have my life to live too!

Here are some examples from old outfit posts where I am toned down. Holy shit, I am such a dork! I would like to point out, being sort of relevant to what Aytakk was writing about, there are ways to promote tolerance towards your lifestyle. For example, by going back through some blog posts searching for my more, toned down outfit posts,  I realized that back then I wanted to do a more "normal" corp goth look. As  the years went by in my current job, that ship has sailed. I definitely look more alternative now! As a result, I should probably change the title to my blog.

In fact, back in my day, when I was a young kid back in the nineties, not very many people wore makeup like some of these online Goth celebrities or Youtubers. While I am by NO MEANS going elitist on their ass, just if we saw that sort of look back then, unfortunately, these young Youtubers wouldn't be taken seriously. I know, at that time, a lot of people would have seriously questioned their goth cred. In fact, when I came back to goth after leaving the scene and saw some of these Youtube personalities, I was a little intrigued. Before anyone comments, this is from my personal experience while experiencing the subculture in the nineties and I do not share this sentiment at all! I was a "Marilyn Manson Spooky kid" - that was the term we used because baby bat and Mall goth wasn't invented yet! I was in no position to judge! I wore Crow makeup for crying out loud and I did it VERY badly. The lines were uneven and I just looked ridiculous! No, I don't have photos. I wish I did so I could laugh at myself but I sadly destroyed that evidence eons ago.

With the way things are in the US and their ultra conservative Government, I can see why some of us are scared but the way I see it, while I can understand the fear, I feel that we have faced this sort of hate before and we have to look out for each other.We will get through this. Obviously, I don't live in the US, I can easily write these things in the safety of my home but I have seen backlash over here. Muslim people were shot in their own place of worship in Quebec city and a Mosque was vandalized in Montreal are but a few examples of what is going on. It seems that with that Orange dude in the White house, racism, misogyny, and intolerance now seem to be acceptable, especially in the US. At least over here, women have rights over their own bodies!  On the other hand, I don't like the whole "its not really happening over here so why should I care?" mentality. I am not going to take any form of such intolerance laying down. I once foolishly stopped being who I was because of some stupid societal pressures, I am not going to let this happen again. Do I need to be "on" all the time? Hell no but there is nothing wrong with being in-between! In my opinion, Goth was derived from the punk movement. My fellow punks didn't take that shit back then so why should I now? 


  1. Its nice to hear other goths talk about not being 1000% goth perfection every waking minute. I also am a mom (of 3) and while i love dressing up it isnt practical at every moment of the day. I watch the youtubers and "enjoy" their freedom to take hours getting dressed and full makeup just to go get milk but at the same time i enjoy being able to run out for milk in black jeans and a black hoodie and just mascara and call it a day! I work in the dental field and my profession doesnt allow for much alternative freedoms so there is that as well.

    Thanks for writing! Great post!

    1. Thank you! I also run to the store in black jeans and a t-shirt!

  2. Still waiting on the IRS to bust the orange douche-bag for not paying taxes. Then, the nightmare will be over.

  3. I agree with what you've wrote, but I can't help but see another side of the coin. Tell me, how toning down will help the goth style to be more tolerated in public places? It just sets the image of occasional freak deeper. There is a mention about tattooed people. You see, there's this opinion tattoos are more accepted in workplaces than they used to be (I speak from theory, because I live in a conservative Poland and I do blue-collar jobs, and there is a different dynamic). I guess tattooed people didn't make the change by hiding their inks, but by showing them...

    1. I also see the other side of the coin too. I think anything in moderation is fine. I can get a way with things at my job now that if I were to do in the beginning, I don't think it would have been so acceptable. I slowly integrated (I still am doing this) items into my work outfits. I also know tons of goths who don't really want to be accepted by the mainstream and to some degree, I like that we have that air of mystery about us. It amuses the shit out of me when I see the mainstream getting goth wrong. I don't think this is something that should be viewed as black and white, there are many shades of grey.

    2. Would you say there are 50 shades? XD

  4. "Everyone is born naked. The rest is drag." I don't know who said this -- RuPaul maybe? LOL but it's true.

  5. I love your outfits and I agree it's hard to be "alternative" at work.

    1. Thank you. My outfits have evolved a little more towards alternative over the years though. Its nice :)

  6. First of all, you look lovely in all of your outfits! Hands down for rocking so many versatile goth styles!
    Regarding the article - I think one should express their fashion choices to a certain extent. Take the opposite of goth - some women like to look ultra sexy by wearing high heels with mini skirts and lots of cleavage. While this is a look I myself love, I don't think these ladies would dress like that to the office, and if they do, they wouldn't be taken seriously. Same with goth. If you blast out the club makeup and vinyl clothes, that won't exactly be work appropriate. It all depends where you work of course. Dress codes are different when you work in a tattoo parlor or at a hospital...

    And while I cannot ignore this, regarding Black Friday - I think it's ridiculous that she expects to be treated like "normal" with all that ridiculous makeup and clothes on. She looks stunning and beautiful, but when she bitched about not being allowed to the Bone Church in Prague I couldn't help but laugh. It's her ignoring how religious east european countries are that made her entry to that place denied (or filming there, whatever). Some things need to be respected from our alternative side too. I wouldn't wear a baphomet shirt to a church because I respect the place, as well as be modest while visiting Muslim or Jewish places. I just cannot ignore there "youtube starts" thinking they are allowed everything. This is some Paris Hilton bullshit!

    1. That is an excellent point, Maria Alexander. There is a time and place for anything. I edited this out of my post because I don't know all the facts but I think she wasn't kicked out of the louvre for the way she dressed. I think it is because she is glued to her selfie stick and usually in museums and places like that, it is frowned upon. I didn't really watch her video on it and I obviously wasn't there so I don't to make too many assumptions. I think in these sort of situations, we shouldn't look at things in black and white. There are too many variables involved. Thanks for the comment!

  7. Hi, I stumbled here... I always felt being goth was tied to music...lots of subgroups within that, I know. I didn't have fashion or any sense of style when I was younger but I identified (still do) myself as goth mainly because of music. I wore a lot of black because having no sense of style, black goes with everything. Now that I'm in my (cough cough) 40's, I can afford makeup from sephora (can never have enough black eyeliners!) I saw kat von d "pastel goth". I think this has been out awhile but new to me. I google this and had no idea this exists. Pastel goths, who knew? Most of these are new goths, younger than 25... more power to you but even Siouxsie doesn't wear that much makeup anymore. I'm not dissing them but it just seems like they have this notion of being goth and dress like it but they don't understand what it means. Then again, I still feel goth is more about the music... I'll see you at the upcoming Depeche Mode concert... when they play in the states! 😬



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