For example, when I was about twelve years old, out of the blue, I decided that I was vegetarian but several hours after I declared that I was no longer going to eat meat, one of my sisters tempted me with pepperoni pizza. I then decided that the veggie life wasn't for me! I was also very into metal and head banged to my favourite songs. I discovered Nirvana and decided I was grunge instead. I once wrote about these phases in the past and how I came to Goth in my teenage years.
Considering I recently celebrated a birthday and as I am very slowly getting closer to my fortieth birthday (it's still a few years away), I have been looking into my past a lot these past couple of weeks. I realize that as I grow older, the more like my baby bat self I become...except this time, I am much better informed about the subculture than I was back then! It seems as a I get older, the more I am reverting back to my old ways. I look at my personality and certain traits that I once brushed aside because I assumed was being immature are starting to re-surface. For instance, I can be a "bouncy" person. I am jovial. I always wanted people to take me seriously and felt like I needed to tone that down in order to do so. Over the past couple of months, I noticed that I use that perkiness (after all that coffee I drink, who wouldn't bounce off the walls?) to my advantage.I make stupid remarks. I use my sarcasm and wit because I think I am being hilarious and I really do believe that this is well received! I think one of the reasons why I like the show Gilmore Girls so much is because I am a lot like the main character. I realized people don't just call me Abby from the show NCIS because I apparently look like her, it's because I act like her! When I was younger, I was constantly told that this made me arrogant and unpleasant. The first real job I had working in a corporate office, I was told that it made me unprofessional or even seem immature but you know something? Perhaps it is the fact that I worked at the same company for 5 years but I think a lot of my coworkers actually like that attitude. I am not ass, I can be polite, especially when I need to tell someone "no" but I add my own little flair into things.I think this is one of the many reasons why my husband fell in love with me. I am a bundle of energy! I make him smile.
I do not have any fun recent photos so please accept these regurgitated silly ones.
I spent years of my life trying to fit into a tiny box. I allowed a lot of stupid societal pressures get to me. I realized that as I get older, the more subdued I become. I just stopped giving a fuck .Unlike my teenage years where I would tell people off for looking at me funny, I just stopped caring. I realized that some people even today still talk about me behind my back or even imply to my face that they disapprove of my lifestyle. Like their opinion of me or on things they have zero knowledge on, would mean something to me. As if dressing all in black and very occasionally going out is committing a felony. How dare I wear clothing that make me feel confident, attractive and happy in? How dare I find time for myself? I must be a REALLY bad mom. The way I see it, this speaks volumes about them and less about me. I like that I can be sarcastic and witty. I like the way I dress. I like being Goth. I love having like-minded friends who not only have the same music preferences as I do but also share my love for the macabre. I like that I can talk fast and make funny remarks at the drop of a hat. I like that I can be a bundle of sarcasm. I like being geeky and make silly pop culture references.I am not everyone's proverbial cup of tea. I like that I got that pole out of my ass and just stopped taking myself so damned seriously all the time! Life is too short. As for anyone's opinion about me, I just learned to not care.