Friday, September 9, 2016

How listening to Ashbury Heights helped me parent my son


"You've gotta move on
You've gotta keep on ridin'
You've gotta shoot low
You've gotta keep abiding" - Ashbury heights, Waste Our Love



In my previous post, I wrote about how my son, Philip has a strong will and I am always challenged as a parent.

The school year is in full swing and I am super happy with his new teacher! She writes notes in his agenda on a daily basis and keeps me updated on his behavior. She wrote yesterday that he had a good day but he did take a tantrum when it came to math.

I asked Philip what was up with that. He told me that it was too hard. I explained to him that things in life are hard but he should never give up on the first try. My son is like me. He understands things easily and I guess he has grown accustomed to it. When he doesn't understand or excels at something on the first try but sees others who do understand something before he does, he gets pissed.

I explained to him that it is OK to feel frustrated and angry but screaming and raising a tantrum is not acceptable. Regulating his emotions was never easy for him and it is something that we work on with him on a daily basis.  He admitted that he didn't know how to stop himself from exploding. I mentioned that he is to count to 10, raise his hand and ask for help. He said he will do it next time but still did not feel confident that he could do it. I reminded him of an incident that happened earlier this week where he did regulate his emotions but if he were to be in the same situation in the past, he would have exploded in anger. He can do it and I have faith in him.

Since he was well-behaved for most of the day, he got his reward sticker but I made him write lines. He had to write "I will not yell in class. I will ask for help instead" 3 times. I was hoping that by making him write lines, despite not being able to read yet, it would sink in. I got what I had wished for:

Since Philip was a small child, our thing is to listen to music in the car together. This morning, the song Waste Our Love by Ashbury Heights came on.

From what I understood by listening to the lyrics,  I think the song is about suicide and depression but that is my interpretation of it. Obviously to a 5 year old, he does not understand all those things but what he said next made me beam with pride: "Mommy, I am going to do my best not to yell or scream or get so angry. If I have trouble with school, I will try really, really, really hard to not yell and ask for help. Just like in the song. I can do this. I got this. I just need to believe in myself"

For the record, Philip reported this evening that he did get frustrated with some of his school work but instead of taking a fit, he counted to 10, raised his hand and asked for help. He got help and a lot of praise at school and at home. I do realize he is very young, probably one of the youngest in his class due to his birthday and it is nice that the school is taking this into acount and is working with me on it. 

A lot of non-goth people have voiced concerned to me over the years by exposing Philip to goth/dark/alternative/metal music. I would always politely listen to their concerns, smile and just go about doing my own thing. This is my time to shine and my proverbial fuck-you to these people!

Thank you very much Ashbury Heights for helping me parent my son and for giving me that one up on those well-meaning, annoying twits!

Off record - I know there are a lot of mom posts these days and I really don't want to be pigeon-holed into solely being a mommy blogger. I do plan on posting about some other topics later.  I am  simply doing a lot of mommy posts recently because:  (1) I am in a major personal fitness/lifestyle mode at the moment and don't want to write excessively about exercise and diet because I am afraid of sounding too preachy. I don't want to be one of those annoying people that change something in their lives and never shut up about it by lecturing other people who choose not to follow the same path. (2) It's Philip's birthday tomorrow and my week has been ALL about him (3) My vanity was one of the main reasons behind the whole new lifestyle change and at the moment, I think I look like shit. I don't want my picture taken in any outfit posts because I don't like how I look at all.  In other words, bare with me, there will be some new topics coming soon. I don't know when but really soon. I am not telling, haha!

Have a nice weekend, Darklings




1 comment:

  1. Maths made me cry many times in high school. At home, not in class. My teacher hated his job so I guess he was worse off. Great work with Phillip! I don't think I need to repeat how much I think alternative parents having different views and teaching acceptance is such a great thing!

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