Monday, September 5, 2016

How being goth made me a better parent






Being a parent and being goth has its challenges. I am fearful of other people taking out their judgments towards me on my kid. I don't want to be liked by everyone and I know that I am not the only parent who feels like motherhood can be one giant clique. This is not only reserved to alternative people. A lot of other non-goth or normal moms have told me that they have experienced this as well. There seems some sort of segregation between the breast feeders and bottle feeders, the co-sleepers and non-co sleepers. I was shamed on numerous occasions when Philip was an infant because of my inability to breast feed him. I wrote in my previous post that I will not engage in "Mommy wars" and I try my best to stay out of that drama. To be all honest, I really don't care how other people raise their kids because I am too busy raising mine! Being a parent is tough enough as it is and the last thing I need to worry about is a bunch of catty women judging me.

Thanks to these preconceived judgments towards me (tattoos, I look young, I don't wear yoga pants) I get the impression that it is expected that my child would misbehave. This is one of the many reasons why I went normal after I got engaged. I didn't want my future children to be affected by their weird mom but to be honest, I never fit in with people! For the most part, I don't like people! I can try and wear the clothes and pretend to be interested in the current trend, but that is not me. I will always be the weird one of the group. I never cared that people have any negative pre-conceived notions against me but it hurts me that they take it out on my son who in my biased opinion, is an awesome, bright, little boy who will always be there for his friends and will fight for them if necessary.

I stand my ground. Goth or not. I am strict with Philip and these jugmental pricks have nothing to do with that. I am just a hard-assed parent who doesn't want another little asshole running around, pissing off all the adults around us because I am too stupid or lazy to teach him to have respect. It doesn't mean that I had a kid that I expect the whole world to tolerate my noisy little brat! Hell, I can barely tolerate other people's kids!  We have rules and I try my hardest to teach him to respect himself and others. We don't scream, we don't bother other people and if he does do something inappropriate, he is pulled aside and told immediately. Depending on the circumstance, we make him apologize for his misbehavior. There are situations where kids will be kids and I do expect a certain form of tolerance from other people but for the most part, I am very proud that my kid is usually very well behaved at home and in public.

In the beginning, I thought it was me and I was being paranoid until my friends, Jay, my mom, and my family members noticed it too. Many of them remarked that a lot of people look at me with disgust. You can tell by their expressions I am being judged nine ways from Sunday. By the end of it, my parenting skills are being complimented on, I am told that Philip is such a well behaved, well spoken and poite little boy. 

I am not perfect. I am human. I do the best I can with what I have. I live in an area that stems from upper to middle class to lower class. I have met all sorts of parents from all walks of life so before any one accuses me of judging, please note that I am referring to the ones who have passed judgment on me, to the ones I have overheard talking about the "weird girl all in black" (I am the only one in that school from what I can see) and how some of them won't invite Philip to their kids birthday or play-date. That despise all this, I was nice enough to invite their child to my son's birthday party but they have conveniently declined the invitation. I wish there were more goth parents in my area but then again, Philip may not necessairly be friends with their kid. It just saddens me that despite their stupid clique, they can't put their feelings aside for an afternoon, for their kid, no less.

Again, I am human.There are times, I get annoyed over their look of disgust and I try hard to remind myself that they don't just do it to me. They also do it to other parents. There are lots of other moms who really want to be my friend because I am apparently a cool mom. I perhaps make myself an easy target towards the Barbie crowd, afterall, I don't look or act like they do. It encourages me that when these judgmental assholes who constantly look their noses down at me have their little brats misbehave while mine is a well mannered little boy, it gives me that satisfaction. It is my silent fuck you to them. I may not always be able to give Philip a  fancy vacation or all the toys he wants in the world. I can give him the ability to be respectful and well mannered. I may not look classy to them but I can be one classy lady around these people and in fact, without even trying, I am teaching Philip a valuable life-lesson! The best I can do as a mother is to give my child tools to be the best person he can be! If that means that he is a weirdo like his parents, at least he will know how to deal with it and I would never ever try to get him to change that in order to please someone else.  That is more important.



2 comments:

  1. You're teaching your son some valuable lessons about how to be true to himself, a crucial skill in this conformist world.

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  2. You sound like such an amazing parent. I wish we could meet up in real life. Because of your blog I have finally found the courage to be both a goth and a parent. It sounds like Norway is a lot more tollerant in general, but it still takes courrage to stick out.

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