Monday, August 15, 2016

When am I going to have another kid?.......Don't hold your breath!

Philip is getting older. He will be 6 years old next month and will be starting grade one in a couple of weeks! His summer time workbooks are almost complete . While I originally planned to start the grade 1 stuff this summer, I bit off more than I could chew. We are still reviewing everything he learned in kindergarten because there are so many worksheets in these books! Not bad for a whole whopping $1.25, eh? I motivated Philip by putting stickers  on his worksheet when he did a good job and he wanted to show off how well he can write!



I made him eat his supper and it was something he didn't like.

Philip also has started becoming more and more cheeky. I had to take away certain privileges from him and he has managed to piss me off on several occasions. Jay caught me foaming at the mouth in rage! In fact, I noticed something about myself last week that made me chuckle.

You see, from a very little girl, I always knew I wanted to be a mommy. In fact, when I was depressed as a teenager, my therapist told me to find a goal, something I wanted to do one day more than anything in the world. I told her that I wanted to be a mom.

Now that I have been a parent for about 6 years, I can admit that my outlook has changed. My clock started ticking in my early twenties (yes, that early) but I held off. I always envisioned myself with two or three or more children. Last spring, I made a tough decision to not have any more kids due to health reasons and that made me very, very sad. I noticed very recently that my uterus decided to run, not walk, into incoming traffic! Today, the idea of not having anymore children makes me really, really, REALLY happy and let me tell you why.


First example: Two coworkers recently had a baby. They come into the office and I went to see them and see their babies. I thought they were cute. I immediately started acting like a retard in order to make the kid smile. One baby starts to cry because it was hungry or something. The other baby needed a diaper change. My uterus drags me by the ear out of the room!




Second example: I was at the adult swim at my pool. The lifeguards did not allow this family into the pool because they brought their kids.I am thinking: "haha! Good. I came here to get away from mine, I don't want those ones near me!" The little girl started wailing on top of her lungs and in the past, the old me, would have felt bad. This time around, I started thinking "shut the fuck up. Put a muzzle on that thing!"

Final reason - the idea of being responsible for another human life (other than my husband, myself and my son) repulses the shit out me. NO WAY!

I don't regret having Philip. Even when he pisses me off with his cheeky attitude -which I correct but the idea of changing diapers and dealing with that shit all over again, repulses me. I guess all this extra freedom of having an older child has made me realize how precious my me-time really is and how much I didn't have it when he was little. I will never be free and that is OK, I want it to be that way but I like the fact that he is potty trained, he can eat on his own, and for the most part, he can be pretty self-sufficient for his age! Yes, he is still dependant on me and I do know there will be a time I am going to miss this stage just as much as I can miss his babyhood. The fact that he can now leave me the fuck alone for 5 minutes is just icing on the cake!

So Darklings should the urge to have more children ever over take me, rest assured, I am getting another pet. Fuck that shit!

5 comments:

  1. Hahha, lol...:D I've never wanted kids; some people - including my mother... - say, that it's selfish, but frankly, I just know, that I would never have the patience for all the crying, screaming, the diapers...I'm just not fit to be a mom.
    My brother and sister in law have a girl, she's 7 now. They wanted a baby so badly and planned at least one more, but once my niece was born, my sister in law quickly realized how exhausting and draining it is and how little freedom she has left...She says she doesn't regret having one kid, but she sure doesn't want another and I can understand her completely...:)

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    1. I don't want kids either. I got so many reasons. I can't stand babies' cries. I need to sleep at night. Dirty diapers are repulsive. I have chronic psychiatric illness, might pass it on to the kid. I don't have a significant other. The delivery scares the *** out of me...etc.

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  2. SO many people stop at just one kid these days. That's freedom of choice and all women should rejoice!

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  3. I have two munchkins and I. Am. Done.
    The babymaker is closed for that business, 100%. I love my little ones but I am over the baby stage and I am so very, very ready for Big Kid stage! My older one is 4 now and she's hilarious.

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  4. LOL honest words XD And if this is the right choice for you, and it sounds like it is, then this is amazing. your baby bat is probably going to be a great grown up one day!

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