This meme, shared on social media gave me an epiphany today. Some of the silly things our friends or family share on social media can be a gentle reminder on how precious some things are. This meme expresses just that.
The last couple of months were hard on me. Philip was bullied at school and we had all sorts of issues after wards. I am proned to anxiety and it went through the roof and as a result, I let my health go. The sky is starting to clear although there are still some storm clouds in the distance, I am now at a place where I am actually happy to be. We all seem to take the good times for granted and concentrate on the bad ones. Why not put at much emphasis on the good ones as well at the bad? I feel confident that the next time my anxiety gets to me, I have better coping mechanisms.
Losing my father at such a young age and with being reminded on Facebook recently that it was the anniversary of one my siblings passing away (who was around my current age at the time of her passing), made me realize just how short and precious life is. My sister passed away in her mid thirties and I was fourteen years old. I remember how I felt at that time. I wanted to act like a big sister to my nephew (who was about 11 or 12) but I just didn't know how so I just kept him company. I still remember seeing her there, laying on a bed in the hospital, in a coma, and it made me sad because she was full of life and had an infectious laugh. I remember my mom's pain and while I was old enough to understand the severity of the situation, I had no clue on how I could ease everyone's pain. Her passing many me realize just how short life really is.
When I was a teenager and was hospitalized for attempting suicide, I was able to see all the people around me who cared about me and loved me. I was reminded of those who passed on before me and the grief myself and those closest to me felt. When I was released from suicide-watch, I vowed to never make such a foolish attempt ever again. There were still times after wards that I was tempted to just end it all because I couldn't take being so sad anymore but I always thought of those who I would be leaving behind and I could never fathom the courage to do such a thing to the people I care about. I am glad I didn't commit suicide because today, I am a mom to a wonderful little boy and I want to be around for a very, very long time. In fact, I want to be that crazy little tattooed, Goth lady in a nursing home who pays her family members to sneak in booze for her!
I realized this lesson once again when I came back to goth several years ago. It is nice to be reminded just how beautiful, messy, and short life is. We often live in the shadows and embrace the beauty the darkness has to offer. To me, being goth is finding that beauty, that solace in being surrounded by darkness and finding the light at the end of the tunnel. Without light there can be no darkness.
I urge you Darklings to try something new and to enjoy your life.After all, you only have one life, you might as well make the best of it, right? Grab life by the horns and be ravenous with it. Most importantly, I wish you the same happiness I found that my little black heart has found in those dark places over the years.
"We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh" - Doctor Who