Monday, July 18, 2016

You can't get rid of me yet!

My father passed away when I was a kid. I was 20 years old. He would never walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and he would never meet Philip. I lost my best friend. My dad "got me" and did everything he could to protect me and give me a nice home. I never realized until much, much later into my adulthood just all the sacrifices he had made for me.

When my father passed away, there was a void in my life for many years. Getting married only brought on more sadness because I wanted him there. When I got pregnant and found out I was having a boy, Jay agreed on letting me name my son after him.

My dad did so much for me that he neglected his health in the process. When I was about 14 years old, he was hospitalized. I didn't think he would make it but he did!

A couple of years later, he was told by the doctor to go get a cardiogram. He kept putting it off because he had better things to do. Well, one cold October evening, my dad had a severe heart attack. It hit him so fast, he didn't suffer.

With all this in mind, I want to give Philip what my dad could never give me; a long life with his parent. I want him to have to put me in a nursing home with all my cats!  I want to be there for him through his important milestones.  I do realize that when my time is up, my time is up and there is nothing I can possibly do about it. I do know that the current lifestyle choices I have made for myself are not conducive to a long, healthy life. I also feel like shit so I want to make sure that I have energy enough to give Philip (hell even Jay) a stern talking to whenever they need it!

I gained a lot of weight recently. Life was stressful for me. Philip had a hard time at school because of this bully then he had a hard time adjusting to summer camp. I let the anxiety get the better of me and it is not pretty. I love Philip but I need to manage stress and my anxiety better.  I need to start putting myself first. By taking care of myself, I will be hopefully giving Philip what my father was never able to give me.

I am back to eating better and have been enjoying my evening walks. I even started to jog a little. I am back with doing all sorts of exercises and taking care of myself.

With all that being said, I am quite fortunate to be living in an old neighborhood. I took some pictures while I was out on my jog/walk earlier today. It sure is motivating to get outside while living in this neighborhood :

This house was for sale last winter. I remember lamenting about wanting to win the lottery to buy it.I once remarked that there wasn't much of a back yard and even if we did win the lotto, I would be unsure whether or not we should buy it. Philip chimed in "its ok Mommy, you buy it, I don't need a backyard. I just need you to be happy. That is your dream house" That is my blonde haired, blue eyed angel!

This house is for sale for 1 million. We better start playing the lotto. I didn't notice. There were people sitting on the top balcony when I took the photo. I don't think I captured them (its a huge house) and I didn't notice them until afterwards, ooops!


  1. Good for you! Striving for a healthier lifestyle is always an excellent goal.

  2. With such a pretty neighborhood I totally see why one would love evening walks! Hoping you will turn everything the way you want!

  3. I can't imagine how it feels to live without one of your parents at only age 20 :'(
    I am almost 32 and still living with them. So needy. So co-dependant...

  4. I've said it before, but I will happily say it again many more times. You are truly an excellent, caring, inspiring parent and I have the deepest respect for you and all that you do for Phillip, dear Slyvie.

    Big hugs,
    ♥ Jessica

    *PS* Your neighbourhood is breathtaking!

  5. Your dad sounds so great! It seems a thing that men put off going to the doctor, I always have to be pushy with my partner and book for him!



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