There are times I want to forget. I have a very mild form of anxiety and during the past couple of weeks, many events that stemmed from my personal life have affected me. If these were isolated incidents, I would be fine but they are not. It seems like everything is happening at once and every time I feel like I keep my head above water, something new happens and I get weighed down all over again. It is so frustrating. I am constantly fighting to keep myself from drowning. It is very frustrating and am getting pissed off at the Universe. Seriously, can I catch a break now? Really?
My May Monster Madness and my last Pop Figure post had a Doctor Who theme. In each post, I referenced The Silence and how they had the ability to make you forget. While looking at them, you know they are present but the minute you turn your back, you forget what you saw. Well, I feel like with what is going on, I wish my problems would be The Silence at the moment. Hopefully, I could turn off my mind for a while, look in another direction and just forget.
So without further adieu, here is my Pop Figure and the moment you scroll away from the image, you too dear readers will forget what you saw!
For the record, I am not comfortable writing about the reasons why my anxiety levels are high ( a little too personal for the Interwebs) but I can assure you that myself, husband, kid and the rest of my immediate family are doing well. We are as strong as ever and the husband has been really supportive. Despite not wanting to turn this post into a drama-fest, I thought I would share some fun personal facts about my anxiety:
- I went years before my anxiety was actually diagnosed. I thought having anxiety meant having panic attacks which I very rarely have. I think I had maybe 3 in my lifetime. Not bad, eh? It took a therapist to actually tell me that I had anxiety and even then, I didn't believe her at first.
- I love my mind. I can be creative, sarcastic, funny, and witty but there are times I hate my mind because I over analyze the shit out of things. I get all worked up over "worse case scenarios" and they never happen.
- When these "worse case scenarios" never happen, I feel like shit for it because I got all worked up over nothing. It is almost like I want them to happen so I can say "a-ha! I knew it!"
- I am grateful that my anxiety is very minor compared to some people. My heart really goes out to them. Any form of mental illness is not easy because you are constantly at war with your own mind.
- My anxiety got worse after I stopped smoking and when I was trying to get pregnant.
- I hate the feeling of being on edge and having that knot in my stomach. I hate having indigestion and waking up in the middle of the night by heart burn then having to deal with my thoughts afterwards. This is not a common occurrence and usually happens when I have a lot of stress in my life.
- I do not take any medication for anxiety or depression because I don't think I need it but will not judge others who do require medication in order to get by. Every one is different. My story is not your story and I am doing what is best for ME.
- One of the reasons why I love Doctor Who so much is because it is one of the few things that can distract me from my thoughts.