I get it. I know not everyone is permitted to get away with these things in an office. No, I don't work in a small office. It is a large corporation with many offices worldwide. Yes, maybe my style is not your version of corp goth. I might have more goth than corp goth in my day-to-day clothing and I know I am very fortunate to get away with this.
In my opinion, I feel that I am still quite toned down and if I had my way, I would come into work every day in ripped stockings, a deathhawk, and black lipstick. I am a trad goth at heart. My style today is very tamed compared to some of the shit I used to wear!
So yes, there is a part of me that wants to shave the sides again, and just go to town on the weekends but you know something? I may just do that but...as I have matured (me and maturity, since when did that happen? How funny!) I went from one extreme (normal) to my version of a more toned down goth appearance. I am happy where I am. After I got engaged, I experimented with vintage/ retro fashion and have incorporated some slight elements into my current look. Yes, I fit the stereotype and got into retro style clothing when I left goth! I love some of my more romatigoth outfits too. I have always been about pleasing myself and not giving a fuck about what any else thinks so we shall see if I take the plunge. If I don't, I am cool with that. I think I look pretty awesome either way!
|A sample of a retro inspired outfit. Jay and I spending our first Christmas together circa 2007|
Now I am going to write about some advice I have given several people over the past few weeks (even months, years!) in my personal life. It seems to me this is a reoccurring issue with a lot of people I know. I often get a lot of comments along the lines of "I wish I had the self confidence to dress like you" or "I am going to dress like that when I lose weight." I wish I could tell them that the confidence to dress the way I do came easy but it didn't.
You see, I didn't leave the subculture for any valid reasons, I went normal and left the subculture because I cared on what people thought about me and lived my life according to what the mass majority thought was acceptable. Even during those normal years when I was mostly accepted, people criticized the shit out of me but I wanted a family and to be a good mom so I thought sacrificing my sense of personal style, music I listen to as well as books I like to read in order to " grow up" was the way to go. I tried to blend in and I failed. Some people have more corporate jobs that do not allow them the liberties that I currently have and toning down is sometimes necessary in order to earn a living. That's fine and all, I have been there too. Toning down or having a more corporate look for those reasons are valid ones. If I would have done just that, it would be more acceptable for me but I didn't. I completely sold out.
Today, I don't need to fully give up my style and I am in a position with my life that I do not want a career. I like coming home to make supper and spending my weekends with my family. I am a mom first and working gal second. I don't tone down because I am afraid of what others may think of me anymore and after gaining over 50 pounds of baby weight - which I am still struggling to lose by the way. I just wear what I want. My thighs are too big for you? Simple, don't look. Please don't loose weight because you want to wear certain clothing. This too was something I struggled with for a very long time until I just stopped giving a shit.
The point of this post (or should I write rant?) is about being who YOU are or who YOU want to be and not caring what anyone else has to say. Another example I would like to give you is about this blog here. You see, my blog got criticised because according to some people I am not goth enough to their liking or some people went to the extreme opposite by saying that I'm too goth for the
corp goth look (is that an actual thing to be too goth? My blacks are not dark enough!). It doesn't mean that you go goth you are free from criticism and if I took everything everyone said to me to heart, I would be pretty darned confused right now. I cannot make everyone happy but there is one person in this world whom I can make happy and that's me!
|Before - I look like one of those bitter, angry middle-aged ladies!|