Monday, June 27, 2016

Some thoughts on self image

Now that I have been back to dressing goth and have been doing it consistently for several years now,  I am at a place where I am comfortable with myself. I look at myself and think I look like me. I am happy. I might still tone down a little for my job but am quite pleased over the fact that a lot of items I wear are not an issue in the office. For the record, I worked hard for that privilege dammit! I also don't wear anything I am unsure of unless I check with HR or my immediate supervisor first.

I get it. I know not everyone is permitted to get away with these things in an office. No, I don't work in a small office. It is a large corporation with many offices worldwide. Yes, maybe my style is not your version of corp goth. I might have more goth than corp goth in my day-to-day clothing and I know I am very fortunate to get away with this.

In my opinion, I feel that I am still quite toned down and if I had my way, I would come into work every day in ripped stockings, a deathhawk, and black lipstick. I am a trad goth at heart. My style today is very tamed compared to some of the shit I used to wear!

So yes, there is a part of me that wants to shave the sides again, and just go to town on the weekends but you know something? I may just do that I have matured (me and maturity, since when did that happen? How funny!) I went from one extreme (normal) to my version of a more toned down goth appearance. I am happy where I am. After I got engaged, I experimented with vintage/ retro fashion and have incorporated some slight elements into my current look. Yes, I fit the stereotype and got into retro style clothing when I left goth! I love some of my more romatigoth outfits too. I have always been about pleasing myself and not giving a fuck about what any else thinks so we shall see if I take the plunge. If I don't, I am cool with that. I think I look pretty awesome either way!
A sample of a retro inspired outfit. Jay and I spending our first Christmas together circa 2007

Now I am going to write about some advice I have given several people over the past few weeks (even months, years!) in my personal life.  It seems to me this is a reoccurring issue with a lot of people I know. I often  get a lot of comments along the lines of "I wish I had the self confidence to dress like you" or "I am going to dress like that when I lose weight." I wish I could tell them that the confidence to dress the way I do came easy but it didn't.

You see, I didn't leave the subculture for any valid reasons, I went normal and left the subculture because I cared on what people thought about me and lived my life according to what the mass majority thought was acceptable. Even during those normal years when I was mostly accepted, people criticized the shit out of me but I wanted a family and to be a good mom so I thought sacrificing my sense of personal style, music I listen to as well as books I like to read in order to " grow up" was the way to go. I tried to blend in and I failed. Some people have more corporate jobs that do not allow them the liberties that I currently have and toning down is sometimes necessary in order to earn a living. That's fine and all, I have been there too. Toning down or having a more corporate look for those reasons are valid ones. If I would have done just that, it would be more acceptable for me but I didn't. I completely sold out.

Today, I don't need to fully give up my style and I am in a position with my life that I do not want a career. I like coming home to make supper and spending my weekends with my family. I am a mom first and working gal second. I don't tone down because I am afraid of what others may think of me anymore and after gaining over 50 pounds of baby weight - which I am still struggling to lose by the way.  I just wear what I want. My thighs are too big for you? Simple, don't look. Please don't loose weight because you want to wear certain clothing. This too was something I struggled with for a very long time until I just stopped giving a shit.

The point of this post (or should I write rant?) is about being who YOU are or who YOU want to be and not caring what anyone else has to say. Another example I would like to give you is about this blog here. You see, my blog got criticised because according to some people I am not goth enough to their liking or some people went to the extreme opposite by saying that I'm too goth for the
corp goth look (is that an actual thing to be too goth? My blacks are not dark enough!). It doesn't mean that you go goth you are free from criticism and if I took everything everyone said to me to heart, I would be pretty darned confused right now. I cannot make everyone happy but there is one person in this world whom I can make happy and that's me!

When I went normal, I was too skinny, my hair was too blonde (she bleaches her hair, she is not a natural blonde, look at those roots!) and when I got pregnant, I heard comments constantly from the Food Police because I drank coffee and craved burgers. There comes a time in your life, you just got to do what makes you happy or what is best for you and fuck everyone else! Everyone has something to say and you are not always going to like it. Take some criticism if you feel it is warranted but for the most part, just smile and move on. Never let anyone dictate your sense of self worth or what clothing you should or shouldn't wear. Goth or not. Skinny or not. Wear what makes you happy and confident. In time, the more I started to dress the way I wanted, the happier I became and the more self confidence I had. Life is too short for boring clothes.

Before - I look like one of those bitter, angry middle-aged ladies!



  1. I loved that 'In time, the more I started to dress the way I wanted, the happier I became and the more self confidence I had' part. It's funny how when you cross a certain boundary, you suddenly start to feel more comfortable with yourself.
    And you absolutely look better in goth than in this Normal Mom disguise! Look at yourself, even older by few years, you actually look younger than back then. And people say blonde hair and tanned skin will make you appear younger, well here's a proof it actually goes the other way around.
    Also - too goth for corp goth? What the actual shit?

    1. Yup the silly things people say! I agree I looked washed out blonde and my natural color (more of a sandy brown) doesnt suit me. So many people think that black is my natural color, which is really cool!

  2. I so agree :) You write well about your feelings. Life is really too short, and it shouldn´t be waisted wearing boring clothes :D So, after couple of summers, I let mini shorts back to my daily outfits. I bought a 50´s style pair of them and I think they give just the right "adult" balance to my trashy band shirt collection :D The thing that gives me headache sometimes with my style is that balance. You see, I want to carry my age (32) with dignity but still wear all the things I like. So sometimes thoughts like "I´m too old to reveale my ass in minishorts" is just a waste of precious time. Since I know I´ve got a nice pair of legs so why to hide them? so that "others" can have their mind peace? I think that the most important thing about majure style is to know what to wear and when like you said ~:)

    1. Yes I agree. it is knowing what to wear and when. I also catch myself thinking "but im in my mid-thirties, I cant wear this anymore" and then my rebellious side kicks in! I decide to wear the clothing!

  3. Absolutely right! I couldn't agree more!

  4. Stop worrying about what other people are going to criticize and just wear what you want to wear! It's terrible that someone criticized you or your blog. Where do they get off with this got her than thou attitude? You do not have to be extreme to be goth. We are all different. We do not have to all look the same.

    1. I know. Isnt goth about self-expression? I am not worried about their criticism, it amuses me because I am either too goth to be corp goth or not goth enough. Pick a lane people! Hahahaha!

  5. I like your after so much more because you just seem so happy! You go, girl! Just stay the way you are and keep on being happy!

  6. "Life is too short to wear boring clothes." Yayyy!!!

    This is just what I've been saying in MY blog as well as to other people. If people would stop criticizing each other for not being exactly like THEM, the world would be a much happier place for all of us.

    And for being accused of being "too goth" to be corp goth, you get 15 additional points on your Goth Card. ;-)

  7. AMEN!!!!!!!! Preach girl, preach!

  8. It's funny how your posts always match my thoughts...I've been struggling with self esteem issues and lately I've been feeling detached amd disconnected from myself...My laptop broke down a few days ago, but once it's fixed, I'll try to collect my thoughts into a blog post, venting always helps^^
    I truly admire you and I wish I could find the corage to work through all the confusion, complexities and self doubt and somehow accept myself the way I too...but I do think, that gothabilly or vintage goth would fit you perfectly;)

  9. That's what I always try to tell my friends XD why would you care about anybody? Ok, some things can be really hurtful but still... You only have to make yourself happy!



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