Wednesday, June 29, 2016

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The video I will be sharing at the end of this blog post is not only my source of inspiration this evening but it explains perfectly on how I feel about the goth movement at the moment.

As the majority of you know, I am in my mid-thirties. I am 36 years old to be exact. I am a mother to a beautiful 5 year old boy and I am old enough to be considered an elder goth. I first experienced the subculture in the mid nineties but did leave at one point for an extended period of time. No matter how hard I tried to disassociate myself from goth, it was always there.

Having experienced goth for some time (which also includes my baby bat years) I have seen many trends come and go from the subculture. Some of these trends stayed but some of them withered away (mall goth is an example)

While I am a firm believer of people not necessarily having to like the music but to have a healthy respect for it, I think the level of criticism many goths face needs to stop. This is mean goth mentality. This is bullying. I thought this was something we were supposed to be open minded about. 

As a mother to a school-aged child, I often tell my son that he needs to be polite and to not bully other children even when some kids are mean to him. You don't have to like that person. You don't have to spend time with them. Its simple! Don't like what you read or see online, move the fuck along and keep your opinions to yourself.

It doesn't matter what someone else is wearing or how they style their hair or how they do their makeup. Some people are more extreme than others. What matters is that you find that level of style that you are most happy and comfortable with. What makes you so special that you get to criticize other people? What is this some special club? Last time I checked being goth is not a members only club, there are no membership fees and no special cards. We are all individuals.  Instead of tearing each other down and calling each other poseurs, we shouldn't be using social media as means to bully people. We should be using it to build each other up. You dont like someones style or look, suck it the fuck up and go somewhere else! Remember folks, we want the goth movement to last. We have such a rich and storied history, why ruin it now? Go to a club or a concert. Invest in a local designer, artists, bands, etc. We have a responsibility to make this movement last for generations to come!



Thank you Darklings!


19 comments:

  1. First, she's just lovely. Thanks for sharing this. I don't look at the video posts as often as I should. Perhaps it's the SHHHH of the train ;)

    The local goth club does have membership fees, little goth membership cards, and a strict dresscode which determines what my non-goth hubby can or cannot wear. I'm not rolling up in one of his work parties in pink so I'm made a public I-will-never- step- foot- in -that- club statement. It's counter counter-culture and I don't have the time for the nonsense. And it's a shame because we're DINKS (double-income no kids) so we could easily pay for the membership and the ticket prices for bands. Sometimes they get some good bands but I gotta stick to my guns. Sadly, I'm not the only gothy girl in town who feels this way. Sad, really. We should all get along.

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    1. Wait? What? Your local club has fees? Actual membership fees? Cards? Dress codes?Here in Montreal, they charge a small cover charge, they always did and I always gladly paid because it probably goes towards paying the electricity, DJs, staff, etc for the night. I totally feel the same way as you do and I wouldn't pay for membership fees either. My local club scene never had dress codes but obviously the normies got weird stares. Nowadays, during the dark eighties nights (we call it Nevermore) that occur every once in a while, all sorts of people show up. Most are goths but a lot showed up in white t shirts and jeans but totally rocked the dance floor. That totally sucks and I feel bad for you. I never really got the opportunity to travel much and this is the first time I heard of this. Holy shit! I am glad you enjoyed the video. I thought she was very sweet and really enjoyed some of her vids.

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    2. Dress code? Fuck that noise. Unless the club owner plans on handing over their credit card to me, I'm not shelling out crazy money to fit some stupid dress code.

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    3. Hahaha yes! It just sounds so pretentious! I agree with you Aji

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    4. Yeah, the cards are ridiculous. My non-goth friend dates a goth girl and he joined the club and showed me his card. "See, it's my Goth Card!" I almost threw up on myself.

      It's more a What Not To Wear dress code which is so detailed it includes brand names. If we went my fella would totally dress the part if he wanted to do so. He was an actor and likes to dress up (hence our ridiculous upcoming America-spewed-on-us Independence Day attire) but I don't like the idea that he can't just walk in as-is. Why does he have to fake being a goth for a night just to go?!? That's just so @*&$%@@?!?! Grrrr!

      Aji, you make me laugh :D

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  2. I've been thinking about the same topic for some time and considered doing a post about it (now I don't have to :D). Maybe my opinion wouldn't be so valuable, since I'm still a young goth, who experienced the subculture as late as in 2006, but it was prompted by my friends' questions.
    Sometimes they tell me they don't understand why I'm not more popular online, because I dress nicely and shit - I half-jokingly answer them that maybe I'm too ugly, but, ironically, this is exactly the cause. The online gothic community is taken by either people with extreme looks (deathrockers, mostly) or - especially - models. The models who don't even have to be goths, they only require willingness to wear whatever the stylist or photographer throws at them. These girls, tall, long-haired, with their perfect triangular faces, big eyes and full lips (who all look nearly the same), create the 'high' standards for gothic people, causing many to think you have to look like this - and ONLY like this - to be goth.
    All differences from this look make you less of a goth and less attractive to look at - and I, a tradgoth in heart, have always thought one of key features of gothic movement is seeking beauty outside norms, in things broken, decaying, that majority of people would call ugly...? And now we have norms. Norms that are too close to mainstream beauty ones. Well thanks a lot.

    On the funnier note - when I attend Batcave parties, there are a few people with extreme looks, mostly foreigners, and they usually dance in tiny two-step. Those who actually rock the dancefloor are people in really basic black clothes with little makeup :D

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    1. Hahah! I noticed the same thing when I go to clubs! I really think you should do a post about this from your point of view. I think we should hear from the point of view from the younger folks. I think it is very important and I would be really interested in what you have to say. For the record, I dont think you are ugly at all. I love going to your blog and looking at your photos. You are very beautiful, creative and I wish I could dress like you! I love your style!

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    2. Ra,
      I'm now a new follower of your blog. You had me at *offers jelly with candy bats* ^o^

      All these rules about being goth... ugh! I seriously need some candy bats!

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  3. 'They don't have the scrote to approach you' - superb put down. Very eloquent lady, very well done video.

    And Goth Gardner, wtf?! Priddy little membership cards...dress codes?! What a nightmare.

    I don't get out in the scene as much as I'd like, but I have been going to smaller goth gigs recently. What's been brilliant about them is seeing the alternative parents with their alternative offspring all coming together and having a blast. I suspect there may be some mean girl argy bargy between the teenagers - as an 'elder goth' I suspect I'm kind of out of it. No, wait, I got dismissed as a 'mall goth' recently by a self proclaimed Christian goth. Hmm.....

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    1. I really love her put downs and I wish we could see more alternative parents with their offspring over here. I am so envious. I really wish one day I could go across the pond and come visit you. I have a feeling we would have a blast together!

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  4. Strangely enough I share the same stomping ground as Breaking the Angel

    .We do have a two goth nights a few
    more general alternative nights with pleatha local bands and quite a number of larger bands who play, considering the little back water. For example Combi Christ played last night. Im indifferent to them considering traveling to M anchester to see Heart I'd rather save my money for that. One the Goth nights is on Saturday and at time can be some what interesting and not the most welcoming. The other is on Thursday night has became more Ebm the guys are so lovely and friendly. Often play Hansel und Gretyl. I would suggest the goth scence is more of an alternative scene with some pockets of enjoying. If you don't the local pink triangle our gay scene district you can at least get 80 pop music played which is still good to dance to.We're fairing better than other cities.

    My only problem is the lack alternative shops stocking decent goth clothing but thank Thor for the cheap thrift shops and Fenwicks fabric department with the wonderful trad goth sales assisstant.

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  5. Here in Germany, we have quite a szene - depending on where you live! But there are goth parties at least once monthly and I try to visit them as often as I can. There is also a small (sometimes larger) entrance fee and a dresscode, which is calling for black clothes but not overly strict. I also visit festivals and concerts, although I may not look like a goth in normal life. But I still feel like I belong to the subculture and would never look down on noobs or internet goths. To each their own, right?

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    1. Internet goths? :-D like that pastel thing that never has been seen on the streets? And well I don't think I've ever seen someone who was not allowed to enter a club because of their appearance so have to agree on the dresscodes not being too strict ^^

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  6. Some days I'm goth, some days I'm not...I don't go to goth events, because there is practically no scene in Hungary...It just disappeared over the years and all we've goth left are drunken teenagers and model wannabes like Ra said...Before there were the tryhard elitists and not once did I get criticized for not being goth enough just because I didn't wear the expensive goth brands and dramatic hair extensions and makeup...I got so disappointed in goth then, that it felt almost embarrassing to call myself one...But like you said, the goth within me is still there and sometimes she wants to break out, so every niw and then, I doll up in black lace and witchy stuff and it feels awesome.^^

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    1. Wait! Aren't we always goths because we're gothy on the inside! :D

      Lynoire, like you I love getting all dolled up in the works but some days folks are going to see me in an old tshirt with a hole *looks down at Bauhaus shirt with EEEK! three holes* and some eyeliner.

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  7. A million yeses to every wise, important word here - and to the caring, kind ways in which you're raising your son. You're such an amazing mother.

    xoxo ♥ Jessica

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  8. Yes, support and love, not judgment!

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  9. I love your blog. This post hit home. I have lived in cali for a few years and trying to make friends with goths young or old is difficult. I'm into mixing my goth fashion. Goths in these parts just don't seem to care for my fashion or look. I get stink or more then often ignored. Not that I care if they like me. But it hard when you have a kid, stay at home and have not a lot of friends or community. Luckily I have an awesome family that loves my different style!

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