Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Cheking in

Taken from Pinterest

Another personal post! Look at me! This week so far has been the week of epiphanies for me. If you have read my Ten Things On What Motherhood Has Taught Me So Far and my What Coming Back To Goth Has Taught Me posts, you would know that being a parent and goth gave me a lot of self-confidence. This post is just an update on that.

I learned that I can be assertive and I learned the magical properties of the word "no." This past week, I have been re-affirming boundaries, turning down "opportunities" and most importantly, I put myself first. The thing is, I said "no" without even realizing it. You can only imagine my surprise later when I came to realize what I had just said. What took months and months of practice, anxiety, and regret for saying "no" came so naturally to me. The best thing of all, I didn't even regret it and didn't even feel anxious about it.

Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

I used to be victim of psychic vampires. I know, as a goth who loves vampires, trust me, the term sounds cool but it really isn't!  Psychic vampires are people who pretty much steal your energy and vital essence all the time. As a result, I got very sick and it took years of illness to become healthy and full of life again. I really do think my normal years were partly because I was being under constant attack by these fiends! I used to get sick ALL THE TIME! You can see how powerful and effective the word "no" was for me?

This is what I looked like when I was surrounded by psychic vampires. Not very pretty.

In fact, I am not the only one who has been proactive with self preservation. My husband, Jay recently had to turn down a lucrative offer because it entailed too many strings attached. Be careful of the "gifts" people offer to you.If something doesn't feel right, you can walk away. A "gift" or "opportunity" are just polite words for a bribe.

Life is too short to be bogged down. Be responsible to yourself and to the responsible. Don't waste your time on people who don't have any respect for you or for your wellbeing. Do spend time on yourself and with those who matter. Don't neglect the important people in your life because someone is making demands on you. Remember, if you take, make sure you receive too. It is equally important that YOU be that shoulder to cry on and you be present in someone's life. You cannot expect others to be there for you if you, yourself cannot be there for them. It is a two way street.

Taken from my "What Coming Back To Goth Has Taught Me" post. This is my "you got to be kidding me face" I look much better here than I did in that previous photo

As a parent, Philip too is learning personal boundaries which in my personal opinion, is one of the best things I can do as a parent. "No Philip, we cannot play with you. It is cool down time" or when Philip asks to go watch TV alone "yes, Philip, you can watch TV in the room upstairs if you want some time to yourself. You deserve it" - for the record, I do check-in on him to make sure he is not doing something he shouldn't. He is well behaved and I trust him. I even told him once "You don't have to play with that kid if you don't want to." In fact, I even wrote a post about raising an introverted child!

I think that many introverts like me appear to have great difficulties with our personal boundaries and having people respect them despite the large amount of time we spend in our own heads. As an introvert , I feel that it is very important that I respect my need for downtime as well as others around me.

I am a busy person. I work full time, I have a kid, and a life outside of being a "mom" or office worker. The most valuable gift you can give anyone is your time because it is not something you can take back. Life is too short to be surrounded by toxic people. Find people who uplift you and make sure you have something to offer to the table. YOU deserve it. YOU matter.

If I can do it, so can you!

And here is a recent photo of me (Jay accidentally got caught, haha got to love mirrors!!!) with my new Hello Kitty tattoo! See how happy I look (ok minus the fact that I just got a new tattoo) I look healthy and happy because I am! Here is proof

12 comments:

  1. I can only full heartedly agree. Saying no is so important! And I'm so happy for your new confidence!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much! You`re too kind :)

      Delete
  2. I still have trouble standing up for myself, I'm always too polite!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It takes time but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

      Delete
  3. Many people have to hit rock bottom and even dig further into hell to start treating themselves with care and self-assertion. I've been there. I nearly died because of work. Won't give up my life for work (or anything/one) anymore, trust me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Way to go! It is very important to have a work/life balance

      Delete
  4. It's helpful to read about people who overcome their boundaries, which also happen to be the ones binding me. It gives me hope someday I, too, will win over mine. And it always breaks my heart to see happy goths who had their episode of being sad 'normal' people, too relatable... You go!

    ReplyDelete
  5. rah Rah RAH!!!! You GO, grrlfriend! I've dealt with a few psychic vampires before, and they are NASTY things. It's often unintentional, as many people have no idea that that is what they are, but it makes no difference when push comes to shove. This post is excellent advice for introverts everywhere. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha thank you. I agree some of them have no clue what they are doing but I think mine did and just didnt care.

      Delete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...