There were many factors behind the inspiration for this post. One of them was due to an old acquaintance wanting to reconnect with me after years of absence. Another inspiration was a drama-filled post I wrote about the mistakes I made as baby bat. Finally, one of the fellow Betties N' Brimstone bloggers called Jenny wrote a very sincere blog post. It was a letter to her 16 year old self and it was very thought provoking
By following Jenny's lead, I am going to write my very own open letter to my former younger, angsty teenaged self. Hold on tight folks and here it goes:
Dear Baby Bat Sylvie,
Back in your day, there was no term "baby bat" but you were pretty much a Marilyn Manson spooky kid until some friends introduced you to goth. I am sure you would prefer to be called Baby Bat. It is endearing, isn't it? Don't make that face at me, you know it is!
Several things happened to you as a teenager and I want to touch base with you about those:
(1) I know sometimes the inner pain is so bad and perhaps not everyone understands you but please don't cut yourself. One day, you are going to have a wonderful little boy who will ask you about those scars.
(2) That guy that dumped you - over the phone no less. Get over him. You deserve better.
(3) No matter what people say about you or how they try to get you to undermine your self-worth, they have no power over you. You decide your fate. You decide your worth. Fuck them!
(4) You tried to give up. You were put in the hospital on suicide watch. Don't. Life is worth living. You may think that you have nothing to live for but trust me, life gets better after high school. You won't see it now, you may not see it in the near future but you will be free one day. One day, you will look back at this and cry because you could never imagine hurting yourself. The very thought of it will bring you to tears.
(5) Listen to your parents about some of your boyfriends. You can avoid a lot of heartbreak that way.
(6) Speaking of parents. Dad can be too strict and a pain in the ass. As much as you may think otherwise, he does it out of love. It is because you mean the world to him. One day he won't be around anymore and you will miss him looking out for you. Go hug him and tell him that you love him. Oh and most importantly, DON'T HIT HIM UP FOR MONEY AFTER YOU DO SO!!! If he offers you some because you hit a soft spot, don't take it. He needs to know that you love him unconditionally and you know deep down that you do. Don't you roll your eyes at me! I can kick your ass!
(7) That pain in the ass guy at your school, Jay? Be nicer to him. Ignore him for now. He has some growing up to do. Trust me. Yes, dad was right. You should be careful on what you say about him. You did end up marrying the pain in the ass! In fact, your tarot cards were right.
(8) Mom loves you. She just doesn't know how to say it or show it.
(9) Some people you think are your friends ...they really are not very good ones. Another thing you should listen to your parents on.
(10) Don't smoke, drink responsibly and while it maybe fun now, drugs are bad!
and as a bonus:
(11) You may not realize it now but you may reconnect with some people from your past one day who did value you as a person and they are going to be people you would have never thought in a million years that you impacted in such a positive way. Don't be surprised when someone told you that you changed their life or the way they view things for the better. You, being a broken soul yourself recognizes other broken souls. Despite how horrible humanity can be and how horrible humanity was to you, you didn't turn your cheek and found beauty in the dark places. Embrace that. You are that light in the darkness. Also realize that some people will see that light and want it for themselves. Be careful who you give your light to. The ones who really need it will make themselves known. Love yourself and take care of yourself because you will be able to take care of others that way. You will be surprised just how many people will come around when you are at your lowest too. Embrace those people and don't push them away. Let them hold you up.
... and for the grand finale,... here is good ole # 12 - Don't try piercing your nose yourself in order to piss off Mom and Dad. They get it. You are anti-religious. They didn't want you to celebrate Easter with them because of the religious implications, they just wanted to spend time with you. Don't ruin their day (or that nice huge supper mom spent the day preparing for you) by a stupid act of rebellion. Karma got the best of you when it got infected. Looking back, I don't feel sorry for you!
As you see, later on in life, things will get better if you really want them to and you will be able to laugh at the difficult times and appreciate the happy ones better. Never let go of that sarcasm or dark humour. It will get you through the rough times. Trust me.
To end this post. I would like to point out that this is why I burned the poetry I wrote in my adolescence, why I don't really have photos of me from that time of my life and why I don't look back. I look ahead.
So while I cannot show you an awkward adolescent photo of me or share some badly written poetry I once wrote, I can show you a quirky fairly recent photo of me instead. This is how I want to be remembered. This is who I am now and probably who I will be later on!