Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I like to think that I have a quirky sense of humour so while this maybe a harrowing experience, I am proud over my ability to laugh things off! I had a good Easter weekend despite getting a lot of migraines.  I also resorted to becoming a germaphobe - something that I always vowed I would never do and this amuses me!

I guess you can say that the story starts by my ability to put things off. You see, I have been avoiding getting my migraine prescription renewed because it is cold and flu season over here. I have a weak immune system and I don't want to sick - which thankfully has not really happened this year!  I just don't want to go into a germ infested clinic full of sick people coughing all over me to get a fucking prescription refill. I was relatively healthy this winter compared to the past. I was not going to ruin my track record, god dammit! Yes, not getting sick has turned into some weird competition with me, don't ask!

Friday night (or was it the wee hours in the morning?) was the worse migraine I ever had. My last migraine pill didn't completely work. My back and neck hurt so much that I started to cry. I can take a lot of pain but this was unbearable. In fact, at one point I wanted to end it all because I couldn't take the pain anymore and I wanted to go the emergency room. My husband Jay gave me some muscle relaxers and massaged some Rub A535 on my neck and back. I finally slept it off once the pills and the ointment took effect.

Saturday was spent with a migraine hangover but knowing that I was now officially out of migraine pills, I ventured out to the clinic in hopes of renewing them. Considering Philip let me sleep in, by the time I got to the clinic, they were full and not taking anymore people that day. My back was still very sore and I still had some slight head pain, therefore, I did not want to walk down the stairs. I figured taking the elevator was a better alternative. Well,  I thought wrong! I get in the elevator and another woman walks in and stands behind me. You can tell she just came from the clinic and she looked pretty frigging sick.  I tried to be polite but I held my breath. There was no way in hell I was going to breathe in her germs! Thankfully, she didn't sneeze or cough in my direction but this made me paranoid. I could have just left the elevator and taken the stairs but at this point, the elevator door closed. |We were already descending. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or the hangover feeling but that poor sick woman caused my anxiety to rise. I did not want to get too close to her. It was like I was in the middle of a zombie outbreak or something!

 I did stop at the pharmacy afterwards in hopes they would give me a temporary prescription refill but they couldn't. They did provide me with codeine/caffeine/Tylenol pills just in case. I find it odd that they wouldn't give me my prescription but handed me codeine instead. What the hell?  I also ended up buying a travel sized bottle of Purell and some disinfecting wipes while I was there because I vowed I was not going to catch anyone's lurgy and was still paranoid from being around all those sick people (re: elevator lady)!  This is how my germ phobia began.

I find it funny because a couple of years ago, I used to work with this woman who probably had an actual case of OCD. I despised her because she left me a note complaining about my cat hair. She used to replace me (I was a receptionist) and she would go overboard spraying the air with Lysol Disinfecting Spray. She would use more than what was required and everyone complained about it. I bet if I lit a match after one of her decontamination sessions, I could have set the place on fire from the fumes alone! I am serious, I once watched her spray that shit in the air, there was a cloud that hung over head! I am all for the spray, don't get me wrong but I don't think it is necessarily healthy to use it in such large quantities like that. OCD lady also kept a pillow in a white garbage bag at my desk. On one side was marked with an "x" because she knew that was the side to put on my chair. I was pretty insulted the first time she did that. I also stopped cleaning my desk because she would clean it for me with her disinfecting wipes every time she showed up to replace me!!! She also complained to my boss that my desk was always dirty and my response made him laugh: "of course I stopped cleaning my desk. Who wouldn't? She always does it for me!" I was also pregnant for Philip at that time and it was also during the N1H1 scare. I think it was because of this woman, I never caught it! When all this was happening, the woman annoyed the hell out of me but looking back today, some years later, I am sort of grateful for her excessive habits because I never got sick!

I guess you can say Karma is getting back at me for making fun of her because there I was waiting at the clinic with a surgical mask on. I remember how insulted I was whenever OCD lady would do these sort of things to me and there I was doing something similar. I also used my own Purell I purchased because I would not dare touch the one they provide at the reception desk. I even asked for advice on Facebook on how I could avoid catching someone else's lurgy. Some people told me to not touch anything with my hands (makes sense) and one of my friends coined it best: "You're goth, Wear the mask. Make it part of your outfit!" she advised.

Despite being inspired by my friend's advice to wear the mask as part of an uber goth outfit, I woke up with another huge migraine on Sunday.  There was no way in hell I was going to get all dressed up, let alone put on makeup! The codeine/caffeine/Tylenol pills made me high as a kite. They didn't work too well, though. It numbed the pain a little bit but I still felt my migraine. Jay had to drive me to the clinic because I was not able to drive. Philip flinched and Jay rolled his eyes at me when I put the surgical mask on. He snickered at me cringing when Philip dropped his toy on the floor. He also laughed at me for wiping it down with disinfecting wipes when we got home. By the time I was called in to see the doctor, the pain from my migraine was coming back with a vengeance. Thankfully, the doctor was super sweet and sympathetic towards me. I was lucky because a few doctors seem to think I am just complaining and don't fully understand just how debilitating a migraine can be! I got my prescription filled and within 30 minutes, it went away.  Jay put some Voltaren gel to soothe the neck pain. Voltaren was something new I tried and it works REALLY well. I recommend it!

A mandatory embarrassing photo of me. This is when my migraine came back with a vengeance no less so obviously I had to take a selfie!

By the time my guests arrived for Easter dinner, I was a little out of it (migraine hangover) but considering they are just family, they are used to me being a little loopy! I don't think they really noticed!

In your youth, did you always vow to not do certain things to only catch yourself doing them anyways? Never in a million years I thought I would turn into a germaphobe. I can't say I really blame myself after getting strep or bronchitis or both so often.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Celebrating Easter from a non-religious point of view.

As the title of my post goes, I am not religious. I used to consider myself "spiritual" but had a hard time with all that "mumbo jumbo" or "woo-woo" stuff. I love reading about people's beliefs, even if they don't coincide with my own but please don't preach to me over my lack of faith or how I should be following this path or that. I may personally choose not to follow any religion but I do love reading about how people celebrate the Holidays and what sort of customs or rituals they participate in. So by all means, please share how you celebrate!

Considering Philip's birthday is in September and the last time he got any gifts was Christmas, we decided that Easter is an excuse to spoil him, which means buying him toys! We do not believe in buying toys for the sake of buying toys so we find reasons to. Easter is one them. I don't go overboard and it is a better alternative than buying too many sweets. He still gets chocolate from the Easter bunny and from family members but I don't want him to have too much of that. We do hide a very small amount of Easter eggs and chocolates for him to find on Easter morning. This year, he got three Kinder eggs and an Easter bunny from us. As expected, he got us up at the ass crack of dawn Sunday because he was so excited to go see what the bunny brought him. He was super stoked that he got presents from us too! He told me that he loves getting things from Santa and the Easter Bunny but he likes it even more when his parents and family think of him too. What an insightful little boy!

Taken fresh out of bath and right before bed. This is why he has no glasses on. Philip is showing off  part of his loot. In case you did not notice, he is quite the Star Wars fan, we are so proud!!!! He also got a K9 Pop figure not shown here  (I bought a second one especially for him) because my kid is a Whovian like me! I am a proud mom over here!!!!

Easter is also time for family. My mom and niece Lori came down for supper on Sunday. Despite my rough start with having chronic migraines all weekend (which I will get into in a future post), it all turned out pretty well. My mom is so cute. She insisted on helping out with supper so she made me this special ham from an old recipe (the cookbook was printed in the 50s) that is also made with pineapple. All I had to do was heat it up. I did not make anything too complicated as side dishes but my dessert (a trifle) was pretty epic.

For those wondering, it is really simple dessert recipe, perfect for when you have a migraine or hangover or when you feel like shit.  I would like to share it with you. Please be forewarned and to please excuse me but this is how I make a recipe:

Get a box of Devil's Food Cake mix.The Betty Crocker one is AMAZING!
 Make the cake as per the directions on the box.
Let the cake cool.
Get a shit load of strawberries and/or bananas and/or both or whatever fruit you think goes good with chocolate.
Get a thing of Cool Whip (I prefer light because it is sweeter).
 In a bowl, crumble the cake, add the fruit on top of the cake, add a layer cool whip, then repeat.
 On the last layer, I usually get a chocolate bar (sometimes I add pecans but this time I put them on the side since my niece has allergies) and break it into small pieces. I have a very unique way of doing this. I keep the chocolate bar in its wrapper and I get my hammer! It really does make it into small pieces and no mess!!! It also helps me get out any frustration I may have!
Don't you like my recipes????

Woot! Free child labour...errr... I mean helper! He was mixing the cake.

I also find it very ironic that Lori showed up looking like a bag lady! Her mom (my sister) bought a shit load of chocolate for Philip (now you see why he didn't get much from us) and some DVDs for him. My sister also uses Easter as an excuse to spoil him! One huge bag was for me and there was some cool Halloween décor that they are no longer using inside. I will obviously be using those decorations all year round so they came to a good home. One of the goodies in the bag was my belated birthday present but I plan on doing a post about that in the future so stay tuned. Thanks to my Catholic upbringing and thanks to my snarkiness over Religion,  I find it ironic that I was given these on Easter Sunday of all days:

The witches were sent to me. They are so cute! They blend in so well with the books

This thing is huge!

For many years, when I was childless,  Easter meant a long weekend. I usually got Good Friday off and that meant partying! Sometimes we would have a family dinner which I used to attend with a hang over no less but those became few and far between over the years. Now that I have a little family and my mom is getting on in years,  I decided to carry the torch. It is funny how priorities change!

What do you do for Easter? How do you celebrate?

Friday, March 25, 2016

The dreaded pop figurines version 1.2

It's been a while since I posted about these things. I was super stoked a couple of months ago when I discovered that Funko Pop was releasing a second wave of Doctor Who figurines and they have been slowly trickling into stores.

These week has been a real challenging one and I decided to go see if any were available. You see what happened was quite annoying and it really was not my week for making food.

On Monday, I came home and was making stir fry. I forgot something in the basement and I ran down to get it. I was only gone for a few seconds and it started to slightly burn. Figuring it was only a little crispy, I thought it would be ok. I thought wrong. I ruined supper! It tasted horrible so we made toast with peanut butter and bananas instead.

On Tuesday, I planned to make meat loaf but forgot to defrost the ground beef. We had frozen mini pizzas instead and I didn't like them!

Wednesday, I thought I would bring pita bread, some cold cuts, and mixed vegetables in my lunch. I thought I would make a super healthy pita pocket sandwich that would be loaded with veggies except that the bread got hard and I couldn't  open it properly.  I thought by putting it in the microwave for a few seconds would allow me to open them. Well, once again, I thought wrong.

Yesterday, every thing that could possibly go wrong at work went wrong. You know when you take a step forward to take two back? I was so frustrated that I put my arms in the air and said "fuck it". I decided to not eat the lunch I brought and went to The Mall. I had a nice souvlaki pita with fries (I usually go for the salad option) and I even got extra Tzaziki sauce on the side. Getting these little friends in addition to my kick ass lunch made my day. Sometimes it is nice to eat junk food and adopt a tin dog.



Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Tattoos not required

A fellow blogger, and friend,  Jane from Breaking The Angel was the inspiration behind this post. You see, she made a comment on my last post that inspired me. Thank you very much, Jane.

What happened was quite simple: I posted about my personal point of view with regards to being goth and being a tattooed parent. Jane pointed out in the comments that sometimes it could be the opposite. She was called a Mallgoth because she does not have any body modifications. This pissed me off because in all honesty, you don't need tattoos or piercings to be goth! How absurd is that?

I admit, perhaps it was a little close minded on my part for overlooking that side of the fence. This was not done on purpose. For me personally,  I never really cared whether or not someone has tattoos.

It also never occurred to me that being goth meant a mandatory tattoo or piercing. I never judged anyone by their appearance or for their beliefs. I have friends from all walks of life and you don't need a dress code to be my friend, you just need to be a good person! I have friends who have very different views than I do. I have Goth friends and some who aren't. I have friends who are the exact opposite from me and we get along! I guess in my naivete, I never considered that this would even be a possibility.

Although her experiences were not very pleasant, I was grateful for her honesty and for allowing me to put my two cents in over here. In fact, I want to express them here:

* While I do dye my hair black because I HATE my natural color, you do not need to do so to be goth.*

*You don't need to have piercings or tattoos to be goth.*

*You can date or marry a non-goth and you yourself can still be goth. Your partner doesn't need or have to be goth. My husband, while normally dresses all in black leans more towards the geek side than goth. *

*As much as I am a believer in how people should know who the original couple of bands are (ie Siouxsie, The Sisters Of Mercy, etc) you don't have to like them to be goth. In fact, a lot of these bands (*cough, cough* Eldritch) reject the goth label, therefore, I like to think there are not really many goth bands out there but lots of goth music, if that makes sense. There is so much more out there too! There's tons of music that came out after the eighties that are awesome to listen to. Cruxshadows, Blutengel, Sopor Aeternus, Switch Blade Symphony are a few bands that come to mind.  I bet some of the younger readers could add a few more recent ones to this list! (note to self. Research current goth music. I'm getting old!) ****

I am not taking back what I posted. I love my body art. I want more and I wanted to write about my personal experiences being a mom who has tattoos and who is goth but I don't expect everyone to be like me. In all honesty, that would be boring! I like seeing parents who have body art and/or are goth because well, I am a huge fan of body art and don't know too many fellow goth parents offline. These are my own personal preferences but I really don't care if someone has tattoos or doesn't. Just like I can have fun with people who are not parents. I will still be friends with someone and not judge them over what they decide to do with their bodies because in all honesty, it is none of my business!  It was refreshing for me to look at the world through someone else's eyes. Thanks Jane for providing me with that opportunity!
How stereotypes view stereotypes!!!!!

Monday, March 21, 2016

The beginning of warmer times and how the blind led the blind

The last time I used a skateboard, I was 12 years old. My son, Philip wants to learn and we spent some time Sunday afternoon learning the fundamentals of skateboarding. It was a rather interesting experience. He needs practice but I am impressed that he can stand still on the board without falling off - which is something I did.

Ooops! His boots are on the wrong feet! :p

Originally, I was not going to garden this year because last year, I was lucky to get one tomato. Philip convinced me to give it another go. My mom (AKA old lady green thumb)  advised me to start planting my seeds now. Last year, we planted the seeds late but I did not expect any results as I wanted to teach Philip the fundamentals of gardening. This year, he was quite happy to see that we had leftover pumpkin seeds from last year. He is convinced that the Great Pumpkin is going to visit our house on Halloween! We also planted some flower seeds. Unlike last year,  I was smart enough to write on the containers exactly what I planted.

Since it is still quite cold outside and honestly doubt they would survive out there in this climate,  I put them in the sunniest room in my house, which is in the spare room, now Philip's play room. I am excited to see his reactions when they start to grow. For the record, he checked them 5 minutes later and was disappointed to not see any sprouts yet! He even suggested to my husband that they play this new game called "watch the plants grow." I hope the seeds take!

Friday, March 18, 2016

Motherhood and tattoos

I had  a wave of inspiration today and thought I would write about it. I came across an article on social media that got me thinking about my personal experiences being a tattooed, Goth mom.

The article is actually a series of photos of alternative mothers. The photographer, having tattoos herself and who is also a mother got inspired to take these pictures because she was told she did not look like a mom.

For myself personally, I am not surprised to read this because I was told the exact same thing. Also, prior to becoming a mom and for the first two years of my kid's life, I only had a little rose on my shoulder, which was only visible when I wore certain articles of clothing. It was a shock for some people when I got tattooed from my shoulder down to my elbow when my son Philip was about two years old. One of the remarks I heard from someone was that I should not be spending my money on such expensive things (re:tattoos because they just finished praising us for buying a second car) I was also told that I should be saving that money, after all, I have a child to take care of. Why do people think they could get off with giving us unsolicited advice or tell us how to spend OUR money?

I don't want to write too much about the negative remarks I received after I rediscovered goth or after I got my half sleeve because I feel like I covered a lot already in this blog. In fact, I much rather focus on the positive at this point. So here are some positive, sometimes humorous points I observed with regards to my appearance:

(1) When my son Philip started school, the staff members familiarized themselves with us immediately! It made the transition that much easier on all of us. They knew who we were because "you guys are the cool parents" or more specifically "I know you are Philip's mom because of your tattoo."

(2) If something sinister should ever happen to me, my body would be easy to identify!

(3) Being alternative teaches Philip acceptance towards others. It also teaches him that some people are not so tolerant and he is better equipped at dealing with those situations.

(4)  I had people compliment me, some other parents want to talk to me because I am apparently "a really cool mom."

(5)  I want more tattoos and well, I like to think this enables Philip to see his mother appreciate, even love her body. In fact, I like to think my body is like a temple, I decorate the walls!

(6) The most visible part of arm tattoo while wearing a regular short sleeved shirt is Philip's birth date and it makes a great conversation starter since I can be shy meeting people face-to-face.

(7) Tattoos are cool, enough said!

What does it mean to look like a parent, anyway? Does that mean we need to look "normal?" I thought tattoos were becoming more mainstream or am I wrong? Does that mean we need to spend all that money we should be saving on tattoo removal? At the end of the day, in my opinion, don't worry about looking like a parent. If a little bit of ink or a huge ass tattoo makes you happy, you can afford it, it is something you think you won't regret later on, and your workplace allows it (or can be easily covered up) why not? If you had tattoos before becoming a parent and they are tasteful, then why should we even be concerned on whether or not we look like a parent to some people? In my very biased opinion, having tattoos or piercings or being goth makes you one cool parent! We don't need to look a certain way to be parents! I like to believe that as long as parents love their children and we do what is best for them, we don't need to stop being who we are or who we want to be for the sake of parenthood. You are entitled to live your life too and spend money on yourself. Those were some very valuable lessons I had to learn those many moons ago.

Now all this tattoo stuff makes me want to go look up more designs for my future tattoo!

aw yeah:
Taken from Pinterest

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Not another outfit post

Well Darklings, I may come across as being vain or shallow here but in all honesty, I was sick all day today with the flu so I look like crap but I do think I look really pretty in these photos and that cheered me up! What put a smile on my face was remembering Philip telling me that I looked like a beautiful princess in this dress.

You have seen this dress before. In fact, I posted about buying it from fellow Blogger, Mary, from Mourning Glory Designs. It was also one of my favourite items of 2015 which I showed it off in this post over here. Sharing the same dress over and over again would be boring and what I love the most about it is that it is versatile! I love how amazing it looks with my black corset and boots. For the record, before I begin showing off my pretty dress, which would have never been possible without my buddy Mary, here is the link to her blog and here is the link to her Etsy store!

Got to love freshly dyed black hair, no blonde roots are showing, woot woot!!!

Monday, March 14, 2016

Boots before corset

When I came back to goth those many moons ago, I can still remember the first corset I ever purchased. Not long after, I got a long black skirt. Incidentally, it is the same skirt that got stuck in an escalator.

Fast forward to some time later, I got a subscription to Gothic Beauty Magazine and was quite impressed to see the model wearing the same corset on the cover

This is where I got the image!!!!

There are items of clothing that are sentimental to me. This corset is one of them. After gaining so much weight and not by liking my toned down, "normal" appearance, wearing the corset was very empowering for me. It was like I was meant to wear it. I felt beautiful on the inside and outside, which was something that I did not feel for a very long time.

 A few months later, I decided I needed some boots. They are not very practical and I wouldn't really wear them to go clubbing considering my night is usually spent on the dance floor but they look cool!

Friday, March 11, 2016

In my happy place

People who know me personally know that I am a pretty upbeat, jovial person. Hell,I am even that dreaded annoying perky goth! There are times I feel sad and I concentrate on the little things that make my heart sing during those times. For the record, I have been quite happy these days but it doesn't mean one shouldn't reflect on the positive! In fact, I would like to share them with you today. Here they are, in no particular order.

(1) Bats - Seriously, how can one not resist these adorable little creatures?

Taken from Goth Bats Facebook page

(2) Cats - I own two fur babies. I named them after the Hobbits from The Lord Of The Rings novels/movies. They are called Merry and Pippin.

(3) Novels - I love to read. Nothing more makes my heart sing by diving into an imaginary world and getting caught up in a story. Some of my favourite books are The Dragonlance Chronicles, The Soulforge, Interview With The Vampire,  Dracula, The Lord Of The Rings to name a few.

  Book images taken from

(4) We can't forget my own baby bat, Philip. If he is asleep or I am somewhere without him, I think of all the cute things he has done over the years and my heart melts.

(5) Videogames. I love RPGs and often get caught up in them. My favourite games are The Legend Of Zelda series.
This is where I got the image!!!!

(6) We all know that I love Doctor Who.

(7) Monty Python because no matter how much of a shitty day I am having, I can always remind myself to Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.

(8) Music but I think most people feel that way.

(9) Shopping. I know that impulse buying can be harmful to one's financial well being but sometimes, a little retail therapy goes a long way. I can never have enough clothes, shoes, Pop figurines and accessories!

(10) Movies. Some of my favourites (in no particular order) are: Labyrinth, The Crow, As Good As It Gets, Hellraiser, and Legend.

Eric Draven Pop Figurine!

(11) Chinese food, coffee, tea, and chocolate. Enough said!

(12) Horses - from the time I was a little girl I love that animal. In fact, my life long dream was to own one.

(13) Collecting stuff - for a long time I collected porcelain dragons and gargoyles. While I keep these figures and still have them on display, my collection shifted more towards those Funko Pop Figurines. Those make me happy!

(14) Cemeteries- I love the sense of history I get while walking through one. It is so relaxing.

(15) Being out in nature - something I don't do enough. I love being out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere watching the night sky. I love stars and I love having deep conversations with people while being inspired by all the constellations. I love being around camp fires with friends or family members, just sitting around (usually drinking) and I love all the funny things (usually sexual innuendos) we come up with! I love hiking in the woods and feeling connected with the trees and wildlife. I feel at peace with myself. I am a city girl at heart, I will always be a city girl to some degree but there is also a huge part of me that loves to be out in the sticks.

(16) My hubby - Last but not least. I won't write too much about him as he is a very private person but he is my best friend, although a huge pain in the ass at times! Especially when we play videogames together and he steals all my kills!!!!

What makes your heart sing? What's your happy place?

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

The potential of warmer days and the long lost bat stockings

I can't really complain about the winter we had this year over here in Montreal. There were many cold days but we also had our fair share of mild weather as well. Lately, the temperatures have fluctuated so much that I got migraines. The other day it snowed in the morning and by the afternoon, it warmed up. Today was absolutely gorgeous outside and I must admit, I am starting to look forward to spring! I guess you can say that I am tired with complaining about the cold and am looking forward to complaining about it being too hot!

My good friend, Alan, reminded me about purchasing these Sourpuss knee high stockings I bought last November. Thank you, Alan!  In fact, it was the day I took Philip to my old stomping ground! I actually forgot I had them! I know, eh? How dare I do such a thing! Think about the bats!

I get sick easily and am skeptical about wearing these just now despite them being quite thick but I was told that Friday will be quite warm. I may just give them a chance. Look at how cool they are!

Image found off of Pinterest

Pardon my over enthusiasm. You see, the last few months, I have been wearing leggings all the time out of convenience and laziness.I am looking forward to wearing my really cool tights/knee highs (re:fishnets, spiderwebs, you get the idea) that I have stowed away!  I get sick easily and will not chance it by catching cold so leggings are the warmer alternative. I wear them with long shirts,with skirts, dresses and well, we can't forget how bad ass I think I look when I combine them with my 14 hole Doc Martens! To be honest, I am not sure how bad ass I really am considering I am only 5'1 and probably would end up reaching your shins! Oh well, what I lack in height, I like to think my personality makes up for it!

 At home, well, I often go for comfort (re: Hello Kitty Halloween pajamas with my Betty Boop black housecoat because I am such a rebel!) unless I plan on going somewhere, obviously. I usually hibernate in the winter and it is not normally out of choice but because I  get sick all the time!

I always feel like whenever there is a change of season, I get excited. I pull out clothes I have not really worn in months and it always feels like I got something new! I am now looking lovingly at my pretty spring coat,  which is pretty much an annual tradition. I love this one!

Old picture. I have not had red hair in about 3 years but you get my drift!
I am also encouraged to shop and add new items to my wardrobe, after all, this year, I got organized and created a wish list for 2016. Unfortunately, I had to do some major repairs on my car in January and that set me back for a little bit but I am determined! Incidentally, last month, they released a new line of Doctor Who Pop Figurines!  I *need* K9 and Riversong. Oh and I also must have Sarah Jane..... alright I *need* all of them! Those would also need to be added to my list!

So yes, spring, I welcome you and now if you would excuse me, I got some online shopping to do! I would like to thank my friend Alan for that too!

Monday, March 7, 2016

No Ouija boards required!

This is where I got the image!!!!

I like to think that I am a woman of science. I will not believe in anything unless I see cold hard facts. My love for science made me question my spiritual beliefs. As a child, I told my family I was no longer Catholic because I oppose the church and did not believe in god. As a teenager, I became a Wiccan. A couple of years ago, I ditched those beliefs and just consider myself agnostic.

I don't really consider myself an Atheist. I do believe that there is life after death and do know that there is no actual proof.  I have had personal experiences and seen many things throughout the years that make me believe in these things.

When my father died, I was still very young and it felt like my whole world came crashing down. My dad was my protector and friend. He "got me" when I felt like no one else did.  After his death, he visited me in a dream and asked me to take care of my mother. He also reinstated what he told me on the day he died: he loved me. He reassured me that he will look out for me and will be watching over me.

It has been well over a decade since his passing and I still miss him at times. I was thinking about him recently considering a family member shared a story on Facebook that made me cry. I will not share it here as it is in French but the story behind it was very heartfelt. In fact, after reading it, I broke down and had a very confused husband that wondered what the hell happened to me. Only minutes prior, I was making my usual sarcastic remarks and laughing my head off then all of a sudden, I was bawling my eyes out!

 The story was about a man who walks on a bus, holding a bouquet of roses. The bus driver asks the man if those flowers were for his wife. The man said "no, they are for my daughter. I am going to buy her chocolate too and take her to the movies. Her fiancé left her three days ago. I vowed that for as long as I live, I will do everything I can to wipe tears off of my daughters face" I remember being heartbroken myself after a break up and my dad did the same thing as the man in the story. In fact, bouquets of roses were our thing.

My dad used to grow beautiful roses in the front of our house and the both of us always admired the red ones. He would always make a bouquet out of his roses for me.

When he died and my birthday rolled around, I wanted to get tattooed in his honor. My coworkers all chipped in for that tattoo, which made it extra special. I have a rose on my right shoulder. This way, my dad would always be with me, he would have my back.

Oooh cool mystical effect! Got to love the shadow of my phone! It was done on purpose, I swear!

There are times in my life when I feel down or just generally miss him! Sometimes, I just talk to him. I feel stupid talking to "dead air" or to myself so I would turn the ringer off on my home and talk to him that way. I got inspired to do this by watching the second Poltergeist movie. There is a scene where the spirit of Carol Anne's grandmother would call her on her toy phone and they would communicate with each other! I would tell my pops about my day and all the things that pissed me off. I would talk to him about Philip. During the most difficult times of my life, I would just go for a walk and talk to my old friend. Sometimes, just sometimes, I know he is listening.

Getting married was particularly difficult for me. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. I am old-fashioned that way. I was his princess and I knew that as much as he would have been happy for me, it would have been bitter sweet for him! I remember "talking" to him and asking for a cool summer breeze during the hand fasting part of my ceremony (I was still Wiccan at that time). I wanted the wind to hit the lace sleeves on my dress so they could blow in the wind. Sure enough, just as our hands were being tied together, there was a gust of wind and my sleeves were blowing in the wind with the hand fasting ribbons!

So yes, I might talk to myself (at least I use my phone, I feel less crazy that way, especially when I am out in public) but in my mind, I am talking to my pops. If that makes you think I am insane, that is fine by me but know this: The insane do not question their sanity and I question mine on a daily basis!

Friday, March 4, 2016

Body image, weight loss and the potential of a genius offspring

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine shared an article on social media about how women with big butts are more likely to have a genius for an offspring. Like most mothers, my immediate thought was "hey! my kid is going to be the next Albert Einstein!" I don't know how true the article is but for a brief moment, I was grateful for my bubble butt.

Before I got pregnant, my weight fluctuated from 95 to 110 pounds. This was not healthy. In fact, my doctor urged me to get to at least 110 pounds because I was under weight. I was not Anorexic or Bulimic. I was pretty active but I was also a two pack a day smoker at that time. Smoking raises your metabolism.  I was a little twig of a woman and I gained a lot of weight. I gained a little when I stopped smoking before I got pregnant and I obviously gained during my pregnancy. I always had big thighs though and it seems like all my weight went there. It is the hardest area to lose weight.

Taken 2006. I was still smoking then. I don't find this attractive at all.
kinda blurry but taken 2006.

One of the big mistakes I made while working on my thighs was doing too many wall sits, squats, and leg exercises. You see, I turned my fat into muscle and my thighs got bigger not smaller! I now do more cardio and it helps. In fact, this article was a source of inspiration! I also stopped beating myself up over my weight and whether or not I exercised that day.I ditched the scale and started eating healthier instead. That meant no more takeout, no more Chinese food (I love Asian food) and more fresh vegetables with my home cooked meals! I still eat treats but limit myself. It is amazing how much money you can save by buying your own groceries too. I even started looking at the weekly fliers and stocking up on items that go on sale. 

This new found nonchalant attitude and new found better eating habits are enabling me to feel better physically. In fact, every year, I get really sick this time of the year. I usually catch strep, or bronchitis or a sinus infection. Sometimes all 3 (not simultaneously). I hope I am not jinxing this as I am writing it but I have not been sick since December! The last time I did get sick, it was a bad cold that did not turn into an infection!Yes, I still get migraines but despite the current weather changes that triggers them, they have been less frequent.

Due to not tracking my weight fluctuations, and just eating better, I was pleasantly surprised to discover several cool things over the past couple of month:

(1) The belt I bought a couple of years ago that was too small. It fits! On the first notch but it still counts!

(2) My jeans fell down while I had the button and zipper done up! They are too big! These are the jeans!

When I first got them, they needed to be hemmed!

Last summer. The jeans faded! I hate it when that happens!

(3) That belt I mentioned in #1...well... a couple of months later, I realized that I can get it done up on the second notch!

I am a firm believer in an active, healthy lifestyle that works for the individual. What works for me, might not work for you and that is ok. Sometimes, it takes us a while to find our balance.After all, a number on a scale is just a number and it should not be used to determine your sense of self worth. Sometimes a slight change of eating habits and being a little more active makes a huge difference, I know they did for me!

While I honestly doubt I would go back to being 110 pounds,  I want to be healthy for me.  I was never happy or comfortable in an unhealthy lifestyle even back when I was incredibly thin but I am much happier now. I am grateful for that weight gain as the end result was totally worth it;I got my son and now it is helping me take better care of myself.

I know I posted this one here before but I have not had my photo taken recently and I like this one!

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Living with migraines and being a mom

Being a migraineur as they call it can be very frustrating and it is very common for migraine sufferers like myself to also get depression. Seriously, who wouldn't be depressed when they are frequently in pain? For myself personally, I am recovering from a bout of depression as I was hit with a daily migraine for the past couple of days. I would like to thank the changes in barometric pressure for that! know some people out there have them more often than I do and some people might not find pain relief the way I do. I know I should be grateful but I am not. I know that there are much worse things that could happen to me too and I should be thankful for what I have but I am not.

There is always something. On the many days and lucky for me, there are more good than bad, I wonder what will happen next. Will it be a good day? Will I be able to physically do the things I should be doing? Every single day I watch for warning signs and pray I have not forgotten my meds at home should I be hit with a migraine while I am out somewhere.

The migraine isn't over when the pain is gone. For at least twenty four hours afterwards I am walking around in a haze. I forget things, I tire easily. I feel ripped off because I feel like I have a hangover without the night of drinking!

You know something? I still go to work. I still smile and act like everything is ok but let me tell you the truth. Many times, things are not ok. I can have neck and shoulder pain for days after a migraine. I feel like a drug addict with some of the pain meds I sometimes take in order to function.

 I often deal with guilt. You don't know how many times I had to tell my son I couldn't play with him or take him places I promised to bring him because I have a migraine. I don't know what hurts the most; his visible disappointment or  attempts at making me feel better because he doesn't like seeing his mommy like this. Which also makes me wonder whether or not I should have anymore kids?

We all got our stack of cards to deal with and there are times, like most people, I really dislike mine. Especially this time of the year where I seem to get a lot more migraines thanks to the drastic weather changes..Some people struggle with mental illness, some with chronic pain and it just sucks. If anyone out there reading this feels like I do, I got your back!


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