Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Why I have a fan-girl crush on Voltaire

I remember hearing about Voltaire in the mid 2000s when he came to my home city but I wasn't able to go to the show.

Fast forward to a couple of years later, back in 2011, I slowly started to come back to the subculture and to come out of my depression. I had pretty much stopped listening to music (with some occasional exceptions) during my normal phase and all of a sudden, I started playing my favourite bands all the time! For those curious, they are The Sisters Of Mercy, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Joy Division, Skinny Puppy and The Cure. I started to feel alive again. I also started to admire goth clothing but held the belief that I had to grow up and needed to wear grown up clothes. I was a mommy after all! Then all of a sudden, I found Voltaire.

I would watch his Youtube videos and swoon over the sexy goth man. As an added bonus, I discovered he was a fellow geek and shared my love for Star Wars! Seriously, geekery gets me every damned time. I think one of the reasons why I first fell for my husband was that he shared my love for anime and videogames!  I always loved the wise cracks and jokes he would make in his Youtube videos.
Image source: Voltaire's Facebook page
I started listening to his music and the more I started listening to it, the more I realized that I was diluted. In many ways, I think my husband is grateful to the man because he helped me find myself again. My husband got his wife back since the only defining characteristic I had at that time was being a mom. I was super depressed and stopped caring about things that used to mean a lot to me (anime, videogames, goth, music, art, etc) and I only really bothered with my son. The only few times I smiled (aside from laughing at Voltaire's jokes) was because my son did something to make me happy. Nothing else really made me happy and there were many times I worried that my happiness would be snatched away from me. I think being able to laugh and smile at other things besides my kid originally helped me re-evaluate my stance on life. Aside from music preferences, my personality, Voltaire was the last piece of the puzzle towards my coming back to the subculture. He sort of made me smack myself awake and realize what I was doing. If this dude could still be goth and a dad at his age, why can't I do the same?

Taken 2010 - ignore the red eyes from the flash. In my pajamas,  and the few times I smiled...oh... and let's never speak of this again!

So yes, I blush whenever his name is mentioned and act annoyingly daft like some silly love strucked teenaged girl. I remember when he e-mailed with a question about the Candy Claws order I made and I got super giggly because he e-mailed me personally! On the other hand, I also look up to the guy. He inspires me to be creative and to push those creative boundaries. Whenever I have a really bad day or I feel real shitty about something, his album, Bitrektual is the first album I go to. I must have listened to Cantina and Expendable at least a million times and I still laugh whenever I hear it today!

Do you have a celebrity crush?


  1. Oh, so he's handsome, he makes awesome music and he's also a geek? Definitely crushworthy...;) I'm very susceptible to crushes, mostly fictional...well, actually, I've never had a crush on a musician, or an actor per say, just the characters they've played, so I guess they can also be soncidered fictional crushes...Ehh...does it make sense at all? :D

    Btw, you looked gorgeous with those wild, blonde locks! ;)

  2. He's starting a Gothic Homemaking series soon ... I'm excited to watch that!

  3. This might not be related but your post made me think about which musical pieces we choose, and how they actually define us. The fact that music was all but gone from your life while you were trying out "normal" is just so telling! I have a Spotify list of music that defines me, and it's called Dark and Blue. Now, I'm not a musician or a big music devour-er, but I know what my SOUL wants.

  4. How wonderful that he helped you find yourself again! Quirky adults are the best, reminding us that we don't really have to "grow up" the way a lot of society believes!



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