As posted on Wednesday, the decision to no longer consider myself a feminist did not come easy. It took weeks of research, soul searching and discussion but what helped me make this decision were these facts:
(1) What exactly are we fighting for? We have the right to vote, there are equal opportunities in the workforce out there. I even wrote an article about how a female family member of mine who is a Member of Parliament. Her riding got voted in during our elections here in Canada last fall! As for equal pay, there are instances that sometimes women make less than their male counterparts (hell, I referenced Gillian Anderson on my post about harassment) BUT for the most part, I am uncertain this as common as I was originally led to believe.
(2) There are too many contradictions. Some say feminism is about being the woman you want to be but then women are being shamed for their personal choices. You are a stay at home mom? Shame on you! You are setting the feminist movement back. Feminism is about equality and I am not seeing much equality going on. Which leads me too...
(3) Around 100,000 to 140000 men are raped in US prisons. That is more than women. More than half of men are victims of domestic abuse in the US and Canada but there are no available shelters or safe houses for them.
(4) Men are objectified but according to many, it is ok because women are apparently more objectified than men!
(5) In custody cases, most women will almost always win custody of the children even when it is obvious that sometimes the better choice would be the father. Women will be taken seriously if they are raped while men are ridiculed and laughed at.
(6) A little personal here but my husband has been told at his work on numerous occasions "why doesn't your wife go pick him up at school if he is sick" or when there is a special occasion like the 100th day of kindergarten, my husband couldn't get time off to go. It seems like it is easier for women to be allowed leave to care for their children or be involved with their children's lives.
(7) Men are often ridiculed when they are in reverse stereotypical gender roles. You don't know how many times men are told they are "whipped" because they do their share of domestic chores. No, he doesn't do it because he wants to get laid either. He does it because we both work and I suffer from migraines. He wants to help me. We promised each other when we got married that we would look after each other. We promised each other we would be equal partners. There would be no inequality or one person does one thing or has more authority over the other.
(8) Is there an actual rape culture or is it something that is fabricated? I believe that everyone is entitled to a fair trial. I hear about how women are raped all the time and it is unfortunate but how many are these accusations are true? You tell me not believe everything I read on the Internet but what about my personal experiences? I have personally seen this happen to someone I know. The guy had proof (video footage from a store) that he was somewhere else with some mutual friends of mine when it happened but he still got community service and has his name tarnished. All this because he did not return the girl's affections. For the record, I am not implying that rape doesn't happen. It does and it shouldn't.
(9) Not all men are bad or rapists. There are some good ones out there. If I keep the frame of mind that men are the scum of the earth, what would I be teaching my son? The very same lessons that were originally taught to me: we are bad or should be ashamed of our gender. I know the effects this does to a person's wellbeing, why would I do it to someone I love? There are so many empowering messages out there for girls. Be it body image, plus sized models, self-esteem workshops, etc. but what about something similar (aside from just sports) geared towards boys? Should my son be treated any less or any different because he has a penis?
(10) Now, I am done posting about this. I want to thank all those who have commented in my last post - especially the ones that disagreed with me as it was done with respect and without threats of violence. Some of you left, which I expected. I guess some are insulted and that is ok just as it is ok for me to feel insulted whenever I experience something I feel that isn't right.
You see, the deal breaker for me was when I was threatened by feminists on more than one occassion because I questionned their views and/or disagreed with them. If this was an isolated incident, I would let it slide and think the person was a nutter but it was not. I was shamed, harassed,and threatened with rape Again, these happened online and offline by more than one feminist. Some were strangers and some were from someone I was friends with! Again, give me a valid reason to defend you. Give me facts. Educate me. The moment threats were made was the moment you lost me. You lost all credibility. For those curious, the nature of these threats were along the lines of raping me into submission. Not cool at all!