Friday, February 26, 2016

Why I ditched feminism

As posted on Wednesday, the decision to no longer consider myself a feminist did not come easy. It took weeks of research, soul searching and discussion but what helped me make this decision were these facts:

(1) What exactly are we fighting for? We have the right to vote, there are equal opportunities in the workforce out there. I even wrote an article about how a female family member of mine who is a Member of Parliament. Her riding got voted in during our elections here in Canada last fall! As for equal pay, there are instances that sometimes women make less than their male counterparts (hell, I referenced Gillian Anderson on my post about harassment) BUT for the most part, I am uncertain this as common as I was originally led to believe. 
(2) There are too many contradictions. Some say feminism is about being the woman you want to be but then women are being shamed for their personal choices. You are a stay at home mom? Shame on you! You are setting the feminist movement back. Feminism is about equality and I am not seeing much equality going on. Which leads me too...

(3) Around 100,000 to 140000 men are raped in US prisons. That is more than women. More than half of men are victims of domestic abuse in the US and Canada but there are no available shelters or safe houses for them.

(4) Men are objectified but according to many, it is ok because women are apparently more objectified than men! 

(5) In custody cases, most women will almost always win custody of the children even when it is obvious that sometimes the better choice would be the father. Women will be taken seriously if they are raped while men are ridiculed and laughed at. 

(6) A little personal here but my husband has been told at his work on numerous occasions "why doesn't your wife go pick him up at school if he is sick" or when there is a special occasion like the 100th day of kindergarten, my husband couldn't get time off to go. It seems like it is easier for women to be allowed leave to care for their children or be involved with their children's lives.

(7) Men are often ridiculed when they are in reverse stereotypical gender roles. You don't know how many times men are told they are "whipped" because they do their share of domestic chores. No, he doesn't do it because he wants to get laid either. He does it because we both work and I suffer from migraines. He wants to help me. We promised each other when we got married that we would look after each other. We promised each other we would be equal partners. There would be no inequality or one person does one thing or has more authority over the other.

(8) Is there an actual rape culture or is it something that is fabricated? I believe that everyone is entitled to a fair trial. I hear about how women are raped all the time and it is unfortunate but how many are these accusations are true? You tell me not believe everything I read on the Internet but what about my personal experiences? I have personally seen this happen to someone I know. The guy had proof (video footage from a store) that he was somewhere else with some mutual friends of mine  when it happened but he still got community service and has his name tarnished. All this because he did not return the girl's affections. For the record, I am not implying that rape doesn't happen. It does and it shouldn't.

(9) Not all men are bad or rapists. There are some good ones out there. If I keep the frame of mind that men are the scum of the earth, what would I be teaching my son? The very same lessons that were originally taught to me: we are bad or should be ashamed of our gender.  I know the effects this does to a person's wellbeing, why would I do it to someone I love? There are so many empowering messages out there for girls. Be it body image, plus sized models, self-esteem workshops, etc. but what about something similar (aside from just sports) geared towards boys? Should my son be treated any less or any different because he has a penis?

(10) Now, I am done posting about this. I want to thank all those who have commented in my last post - especially the ones that disagreed with me as it was done with respect and without threats of violence. Some of you left, which I expected. I guess some are insulted and that is ok just as it is ok for me to feel insulted whenever I experience something I feel that isn't right.  

You see, the deal breaker for me was when I was threatened by feminists on more than one occassion because I questionned their views and/or disagreed with them.  If this was an isolated incident, I would let it slide and think the person was a nutter but it was not.  I was shamed, harassed,and threatened with rape Again, these happened online and offline by more than one feminist. Some were strangers and some were from someone I was friends with!  Again, give me a valid reason to defend you. Give me facts. Educate me. The moment threats were made was the moment you lost me. You lost all credibility. For those curious, the nature of these threats were along the lines of raping me into submission. Not cool at all!


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  4. This comment is about #8 on your list. How the hell did your friend end up with community service even though there's video evidence that he didn't do it? He should lawyer up and sue the bitch and the court.

  5. Lol you do realize that feminists support many of the points you say they don't? Men not being stigmatized for doing what the rubes consider to be "women's work", the breaking down of gender stereotypes, the hypermasculine machismo pressures on men...feminists are about breaking that down. But I think you know this. Anyone who's taken a gws 101 class would know. Lol you can just change what feminism means because you meet some people you don't like.

  6. There are various types of feminism. I don't agree with what the Femens do, especially because I don't see the point in showing your boobs to protest. It's exhibitionism and it's prohibited. Nevertheless I am a feminist because: I have been insulted by men in the street due to my outfits (which were modest - no nudity or showing off - but alternative like goth or lolita). My best friend was raped twice in her life and I know her, she's not a liar and/or someone who shows off or hook on men. I'm fed up with women being objectified in the fashion industry and ending up with a serious eating disorder because they must fit in a size 0. The wage gap still exists. Some men are feminist. In fact "good" feminism is above all humanism. In some countries women are stoned to death. Domestic violence still exist. And I could go on and on. Now I think I understand what you're trying to mean: let's not reverse the situation, let no women have not more rights than men. But believe me, we are far from it.

    1. I agree with many points you make. Dont get me wrong. Not all women who cry rape are making false accusations. It also happened to me. Your friend has my deepest sympathies. I agree there is so much happening in the world that I do agree, there are many countries that still needs it. I just don't see a need for it where I am. I wrote about this on my post on Wednesday. I am just disgusted by the actions of the more radical feminists - which is why I ditched the title.

    2. Every ideaology or community have their black sheep.
      I am not ditching womanhood because some women are sluts or bitches.
      I am not ditching feminism because some so-called feminists act like pricks. But I get your point. For example I think Jesus was cool but I will not become a Christian due to the Church abuses. Why do we need a tag anyway...

    3. Exactly and everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I just have a natural tendency to question every thing and personally, I think it is healthy. I did not post this to troll or be mean, I just want to offer my point of view because quite frankly, I am tired of having others shove theirs in my face :p At the end of the day, I want equality for men and women because many times, both WOMEN AND MEN are not treated fairly and that just sucks!

  7. Ah, god...that escalated quickly...I've read the reactions to your previous post and I still think, that some people simply misunderstand you...and it bugs me, because I actually share your opinion; I don't know how I should put this without insulting anyone, but let's just say, that I think, that we have reached a point where women finally get the enough freedom, publicity, attention and support and they have the background for a more intelligent - less provocative and aggressive - way to fight for women's rights. Frankly, I think, that we should finally stop comparing our situation to that of men and start shozing up how great women actully are, regrdless of them...Does this mke any sense? :)

    1. Some people just took things out of context and misunderstood me, that is ok. I expected to ruffle a few feathers. I am starting to feel like feminism has become fanatical. Just like other groups, they may have started with great intentions but then it just goes to extremes. I am not disagreeing with everything feminism has to offer, I just question the more radical point of view - which has helped me decide that I dont want to be labelled a feminist because it scares the shit out me! In the end, thank you for your support, Lynoire. In the end, this blog wont be about feminist bashing and I will be back to my regular scheduled program on Monday LOL If they dont want to read, they dont have to.

    2. Yes, I get what you mean, sometimes it's just too hard to get through to people with such stong beliefs...

  8. Sweden is one of the most equal countries. Men in my country take the longest child leave in the world. Yes they stay at home to take care of their infants. But we do still need feminism.
    I think the word feminism has the same meaning it always had, the fight for equal rights.
    We still need to fight for equality even in Sweden because of the wide gap of income. You know, it's not just about women choosing less paid job. Same job but different sexes also results in an income gap. The explanation says that women tend to have achieved less at their profession. I say that is completely bullshit. I worked as a technical engineer for 12 years and I can say that the more challenging tasks goes to the male coworkers. I have been telling my bosses that I had responsibility for programming 16 robots at my former work, but they still said they had to find an automation engineer in front of me like I wasn't there. I think they should at least give me a try.
    I can fully agree with you on point no 2. Lots of women are shamed for being stay at home moms, but guess what stay at home dads hear (and that doesn't come from ultra feminists)?
    3. There's something wrong with Canadian and American prisons! More than half of the men are domestically abused? Wait, that would be more than women abused, right? Do you have a war of the sexes going on in your country?
    4. None objectification is ok.
    5. Child custody has always a looser, the child. So, are all social workers ultrafeminists in your country?
    6. Dont blame feminists for this one please. Are your husbands boss an ultrafeminist? This won't be a problem if dads demands more time for their kids, and take half of the sick leave with their kids, trust me.
    7. Dont blame feminists for this one either. Those who mock your husband, are they ultrafeminists? Is it the ultrafeminists fault others mock your husband? Men who share the housework with their next half are secure in their own person. The mocking will end when more men share the work at home. Next time someone mock him, he should tell he see old moss growing on their head.
    8. Have you ever been to a rape trial? Have you ever heard the victim being accused for not saying no, not wearing proper clothes, walking alone, using this as a method for getting the custody, lying, that she agreed to it in spite of all the body damages? There are lots of trials were one or the other lies not only rapes. But to question this?
    9. You are his mother, you can encourage him, show him affection, tell him that he is good as he is etc. If you only focus on all the men shaming, that's what you see. If you focus on women/slut shaming then that is what you see. I have three sons, I tell them that they choose who they will become and that they always should respect other people and that they also should demand respect for themselves. I can be a loving mother of three sons and a feminist at the same time.
    Feminist is only a tiny part of myself and I'm not raging all over internet about how hellish our lives are, men face problems as well because of their gender and that is also unfair.
    The persons who threatend you are nutters all of them even if they called you friend.

  9. I'm thinking if I had to label myself anything, it's probably humanist.

    Also, I read an awful article written by a self proclaimed feminist on The Guardian website today (supposedly forward thinking, left of centre quality newspaper in the UK) regarding the Oscars last night and pillorying the female actors for wearing clothes that they deemed 'sugary', claiming it harmed feminism. I banged my head off my coffee table and went to find a frilly skirt.

    1. Yes, i would label myself a humanist too!

  10. Let's just say: I'm a feminist and not a feminazi. I value all people the same. No matter what gender, what sexuality, what skin colour... And I find it very sad that just because there are some female assholes who cry murder whenever they see a man being happy, this doesn't mean that feminism is not important. As many other people above said: Feminism also helps men to stand with their feeling or tae family leave. Feminisim might help Keesha out of the contract with her raping manager. Feminism might one day close the pay gap. This is why feminism is important to me. You don't have to join the club. To each his/her own...

    1. Exactly! I dont need a label to believe those things and I am also allowed to disagree with some of them! The point of this post was not to insult anyone but how I just wanted to no longer consider myself something. I was no way thinking all feminists feminazis, I am sure there are some good ones out there. Thats it. Thise feminazis ruined it for me. Im allowed to question what is going on around me and to be honest, I am tired of being told by feminists or feminazis that I am not a real feminist because XYZ. The moment I disagreed with many of them, they threaten to rape me. I am not implying ALL feminists are like that but I just gave up labelling myself something I was unsure exactly what they stand for. I am glad so many here clarified it for me here and I thank those who voiced their opinion in a polite, respectful way. Would you want to listen to someone when they are screaming at you?

    2. At the end of the day, the general impression I got was a negative one and I feel that men sometimes get the short end of the stick and that is not right.

  11. It's Radical Feminists i.e. SJW's that are pushing *their* form of "Feminism" and injecting their distorted narratives and problematic talking points that's the problem. One can be a moderate, equality feminist and not agree with the narratives or the distorted info & talking points of the RadFems/SJW.

    Some of the persons commenting on your blog don't get, or seem to ignore that your talking about how **Radical Feminism** has twisted and corrupted "Third Wave Feminism".

    Pure, basic equality feminism that is (supposed to be) grounded in objective, empirical and supported facts does exist.

    I recommend followers of this blog search youtube for "the Factual Feminist" Christina Hoff Sommers has several great videos.



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