Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Silly random thought of the day: No dress codes required!

For the record, this happened to me eons ago and not really applicable in my life today. Some of these situations happened when I came back to goth and some of them happened before I went normal and was fresh out of High School; these are very old stories, indeed! I stumbled upon someone I knew from my past and I was reminded of these events, hence where the inspiration to write this article came from! While this might be taken out of context, I sincerely wish others would find humour in this as I do.A lot of it is tongue and cheek and sometimes sarcasm doesn't always get translated into text very well but here it goes:

Most goths feel that they are not goth enough. We often feel pressured to meet some unattainable standard in order to be considered "goth". We all probably encountered elitism in some form or other and I think a lot of us expect it.

Then there are the non-goth people or normals who know nothing about the subculture (but they like Marilyn Manson so they think they know ALL about us...sigh) and they find ways to try and question our goth cred.

I, unfortunately, knew some of these people. While they are clearly not goth and do not consider themselves part of the subculture, they find things, as trivial as they maybe, to question your validity within the subculture. Out of nowhere, they become experts on being goth. They never dressed the part or went to a club and they have no personal interest in the subculture but they know more about it than you!

I will give you two examples:

The first one is the friend you meet for coffee. You think it is just a cup of coffee, it is not like you plan on going in full club gear. If some of you do, my hat's off to you. For myself, personally, I don't always "dress to impress" for a cup of coffee. If I am not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I am usually wearing something like this:


Now this is where the comments come out: "you don't really look goth" or "I thought you were going to wear something else" You see where the two extremes meet? I am not goth enough to some people or I am getting the impression that they are embarrassed to be seen with me in public. I am sorry I am not going to try and find a happy medium to please you.  I wear whatever the fuck I want!

In all honesty, these comments annoy me, they don't hurt me. I just roll my eyes and shrug it off. I don't dress to please other people.

This is the second example: You  have that one non-goth friend (we shall call her Jane) who tells ALL her friends about you. Then one day, you meet Jane's friend after work and let's say you work in a job where you have to tone down considerably, your goth cred is immediately questioned. "By the way Jane was talking about you,  I thought you would be more goth than that. You look goth and all but I thought you would be a little more extreme with your look"

I guess we are not expected to have jobs and be "on" all the time. All this because Jane told all her friends about the goth friend she has because you know, it is apparently cool to have a friend who likes weird and spooky things.You are no longer looked at as a human being but as a commodity. Next thing you know, you are being lectured on how to be goth by someone who has zero knowledge on the subculture and they insist on telling you that their views is the only way to go if you REALLY want to be considered goth.  You know, because all your goth friends are poseurs!

Again, it is not so much what others think that gets me, I just think I feel more pressured to be The Queen of Goth more around the normal people than I do around my goth friends!

In the end, my circle of friends obviously diminished but the ones I still associate with, well, we don't care what the other person's wearing. Hell, I even went shopping in my pajamas with one of them! At the end of the day, if you want to meet up with me in jeans and a t-shirt, great. Want to wear a corset? Good for you! You want to dress in sweet Lolita style clothing but afraid of clashing with me? Bah! Who cares, wear the sweet Lolita! I want to admire your outfit! Want to show up with your granny panties on your head? Well gold star for you! You don't need a dress code to be my friend.


15 comments:

  1. I don't understand why other people make such a fuss about our lifes. It is not like I particularly care about opinions of people I did not ask! What I find worse than munides (norms, whatever) questioning your goth-ness is other goths. I had a very nasty experience with another goth at WGT who only knew me from parties -dressed up to the nines. When he met me around noon, unstyled in casual black, he asked me whether I feel gth enough like that. Yes, I do, thank you very much... *eye roll*

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  2. Read your post first of all My internal monologue found this hysterical, as I can relate to this post so much. Especially, about the elitism encountered in the Goth scene it is there. It's like any tribe their always extremism in one form of another, it human nature.

    Sometimes I feel disconnected from the Goth scene, then again, it's mainly pocketed around in Newcastle. Another thought is I've never had many goth friends either a lot of the have alternative mantra or were open minded. Then again friends are friends.

    It's not to mention the battle of realism and idealism, I'm many goth's who are in love with romantic notion of dressing with winkle pickle boott, long flowing skirt with complementary constricting corset over lacy tops. At the same time it not always practical to dress like this. As I get older, I have no concept of time and end up running late, so I find what's clean and run down the street like some raving mad lunatic. So, I normally, joke I'm part time goth that it's more of weekend thing than a full time thing.

    I've share to much take care hun and keep blogging.

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  3. Oh, my...I've met so many people like this...I'm not going to say I 'knew' them, because this attitude has always pissed me off and I usually never spoke to those guys again...ever. With that said, I should mention, that I've never had goth friends, just nerds an rockers who just thought I dressed nice, but never quite cared if I slacked off sometimes...^^

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  4. Hahahaha!!! *claps* I completely understand! I always say, I'm not friend's with you clothes, I'm friend's with you. :)

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  5. Haha! I love hearing funny stuff like this. We all have dress down days, we can't be goth queens all the time ;)

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  6. Meh, I don't care how my friends look like, if they are uber-styled one day and the next go out wearing a shirt and jogging pants that's ok.

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  7. Luckily, I've never had to deal with any of that. Sometimes, it pays to live like a hermit. XD

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  8. Ugh, some people *rolls eyes* Luckily most people who given me comments like that have actually been willing to listen and learn from my response. The ones who don't aren't really worth my time.

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  9. Great post and as a black, elder goth who loves to laugh, I get this "you're not really goth" foolishness from some people. It's one thing for the mundanes to question our gothiness, but when it comes from other goths i just shake my head. I think people look at goth models all decked out and think that we goths that have to live in the "real world" aren't living up to our "goth potential". The one good thing about getting older is how little I care about this BS. But goths should know better, IMO. (And btw, you look lovely.)

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  10. You are so right :D and I feel like you must be an amazing friend to have because you are so open and smart ^_^

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  11. Nodding my head clean of! Yep and yep, those things happen in the vintage world and, I would imagine, most subcultures where fashion is a key component of the lifestyle for someone. It's as if some people see our unique identities as uniforms and are always ready to pounce if we're not the poster child for goths/vintage people/steampunks/etc 24.7/365. Irksome at times for sure, but ultimately it's important to remember that no one gets to judge your appearance or "how goth (or vintage, etc)" one is except for you!!! :)

    ♥ Jessica

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  12. Yes,people outside the subculture can be soooo weird about it!

    Funny how if I am wearing plain black boring stuff I am more likely to be recognised as Goth than in some tiered chiffon faery skirt and corset top or something like that.

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  13. The people who always make dumb comments on someone else's style have no style of their own. Like seriously they need to get a life if the most exciting part of their day is what a person is wearing after work

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  14. I've always been at the bottom end of the externally visible goth spectrum. Plenty of black clothing, sure, silver jewellery etc - but the geeky librarian in me also has a large part to play in how I look. Cardigans, girly non-dyed hair Consequently I often feel like I fall between the cracks - not gothy enough for the goths, yet sightly off kilter for the norms. I've ditched Whitby GW this year because I'm tired of not fitting their 'authentic goth' aesthetic - which has become more of a pronounced sneer from the 'elder goths' recently than when I first started going in 2002 when all types of goth were embraced. I have to admit at the age of 43 I don't really mind what anyone thinks any more as I'm quite happy with who I am - but I do dislike being judged by people who may be visually more daring than me, but ideologically narrower.

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