Monday, August 31, 2015

The first day of kindergarten

I did not sleep well last night because my son will be starting kindergarten the next day. What an exciting milestone! He has been in the same daycare since babyhood and he is all ready for the big kid school! I am so excited for him, really I am but I am also very nervous at the same time.

I knew that the next day, Monday morning, I will be at his school for a meeting with all his future class mate's parents. I am skeptical. Don't get me wrong, I don't give a rat's ass on what other people think about me but in this particular situation, I am scared. I will not show up all toned down in blue jeans and a sweatshirt for the sake of fitting in. I am not going to go all "gothed out" either in club wear but I am going to wear my "normal" clothes (which consisted of a black skirt, skull top, bat necklace and skull shoes and that is toned down but meh, its hot out there!)

 I know I will be the odd one there, all my life, I was the odd one, I got used to it. I am just afraid of how this may impact Philip. I know it would be a great learning lesson - which I have used in the past when encountering asshole close minded parents but I want him to not have any issues during his first weeks in a new environment. I just want him to adapt to his class. I am most probably just looking into this a little too much and getting nervous for nothing. I never fit in or ever really wanted to be part of the mainstream even when I went normal, I knew I would never fully be like them. Now, I have to "play" nice and be sociable. It is so hard to find things to talk about with "normal" people. I guess the fact that we procreated gives us something in common, right?  When I have to, I always get people to talk about their kids and find things to relate to them that way. I guess my kid going to school makes me look back to all the skeptical feelings I had when I started a new school as a kid.

Needless to say, his first day went well. We (the parents) had a meeting this morning with his new teacher. My mom watched him for a few hours while we went. He was thrilled to be spoiled by his grandmother and she told me she had fun playing with him. I absolutely loved his teacher, she is no nonsense, old school and I like that! I have a super strong respect for her. I admire her passion and devotion she has towards educating children. The other parents didn't seem to pay much attention to me much to my relief but didn't go out of their way to talk with us either, Just like when I was back in school, I knew we were the weirdos in the room except this time, we broke the ice and talked with them. Normally, I don't bother too much with normal people, unless it is for work but in this case, who knows?  I may just be bringing Philip to their houses one day for a visit. I am still uncertain on whether or not I want parents in my home though, especially with the weird brick a brack we have! It is odd, I never really wanted acceptance from these people but for the sake of my son, I want him to have friends. I don't plan on changing how dress or how I look but I plan on being nice for the sake of my son.

After our meeting, we went to pick up my son from my mom's and she fed us lunch! That was a huge help because we were pressed for time. We had to put on the uniform so Philip can go to school! He only went in for an hour - with us. The point was to familiarize himself with the new teacher and kids. He was shy but I made him introduce himself to some of the kids. The parents seemed weirded out a little (weird goth chick or the fact that I was super friendly, I don't know but some mothers were looking at me with that WTF expressions on their faces) but the kids seem to love me. I hear that a lot from alternative people. Kids stare at us and love us. Personally, I am cool with it since I obviously love kids. I often tell people, I love the kids but dislike most parents! For the record, I think it is dumb that parents need to go in with their kids on their first day. When I was a kid, we were thrown to the wolves!  In my opinion, it really wasn't necessary, I think Philip could have went alone without me. I am not the type of parent that needs to be involved in my kids life 24/7 but am more than happy to work with him at home. As long as he behaves and is getting his education, I am on board! I guess not all people have that mentality as displayed by the behavior I seen from other parents while I was at the meeting.

The kids did an activity while we were there. They had to cut out and decorate a crown. I was pleased to see that he required very little assistance with the cutting and was the first to finish! Obviously, his was a little jagged but he did it himself. I was proud of that! Alright, I know, I am bragging!

The first day was a hit. For now, he looks forward to going back but we all know that would soon change! There was no need to worry. On the other hand, be prepared to dish out MORE cash as we were given ANOTHER list of school supplies which sucks so we spent the remainder of the afternoon shopping for those. I spent a good part of my evening labeling all the previous school supplies last night and now I had to do it again when I came home.

Due to budget cuts, parents were also asked to volunteer to buy additional supplies for the classroom. I happily obliged and signed up to buy the class pumpkin for Halloween! I realized that when we were kids, there were most probably budget cuts too and our teachers - most probably Philip's kindergarten teacher today buys additional supplies out of their own pockets, just to educate someone else's kid!  I now feel like an ass for all the times I questioned authority and for all the shit I pulled on teachers as a kid. We are all exhausted now but all in all, it was a good, productive day. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The crunchy mom

Disclaimer: I have nothing against " Crunchy Granola Moms" but these are mainly my personal thoughts on the subject. Before anyone gets offended, the point of this post is to mock myself, not anyone else. I have nothing against "Granola Moms",  personally, I am not one but I used to be!

For those wondering, a "Crunchy Granola Mom" is one of those hippy dippy, earthy type people. They play an over active role in their child's life (can also be a helicopter parent) and when they are not breastfeeding, they are co-sleeping and/or feeding their kids 100% supposed organic foods. The majority of these moms seem to choose natural births (which was my original plan until it went out the window due to complications), some don't. Some cloth diaper, some don't. Some vaccinate, some don't. It is a broad description but apparently to some people, I fell under that category with the decisions I made, meh, I sort of saw myself as one at that time but never put much thought into it until now.

When I became pregnant with my son, I set out to breastfeed and carry my kid in a sling as much as possible. I guess the universe had other plans for me because breastfeeding didn't work out and the sling only got used a handful of times, mainly because my son projectile vomited while I was wearing it and I got puke all over me. I never wore the damned thing again. In fact, not long after, I got a baby swing and that became our best friend!

Like many bottle feeders, I felt the guilt of not breastfeeding. I was made to feel that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't trying hard enough where in fact, I did my best. I just didn't have any milk supply. I tried the herbs and all that junk they fed me and it still didn't work. There is nothing more stressful in life knowing you are unable to feed your hungry child. I was also accused of being a bad parent because I decided to break down and give my child a bottle. I remember rebutting"I think a bad parent is one who refuses to feed their child, whatever method that may be". Why make an infant starve because your milk hasn't come in? What kind of logic is that? I am not going to resort to child abuse. Bottle feeding isn't child abuse, starving your kid (after all your milk will come in - mine never did) for the sake of breastfeeding/peer pressure is!

I was consumed by so much guilt over this that when it was time to introduce my son to solid foods, I proudly announced that I was going to only buy 100% organic food and I was going to make the food myself. This is great. I was still on maternity leave and had time on my hands.

I quickly learned by going to these organic food shops that there was a "dirty dozen list", how BPA in plastic bottles are bad for you and to make sure to only purchase BPA Free bottles a long with a long list of potential health hazards.

Here in Canada, maternity leave usually lasts for about one year so when I went back to work - at a new job no less, I continued purchasing 100% organic food (that shit is super expensive). In fact, despite holding down a full time job, catching "daycare Ebola" (getting sick all the time from Philip bringing home germs - first year of daycare is hell. We caught everything!) I still trekked half way across town to do groceries. Not only that, while I chose the daycare for it's premium education program, they did not prepare organic food. I prepared meals in advance all week to make sure he was getting the "proper" nutrition and sent him to daycare with the "Mommy food" I prepared.

By the second month, I was exhausted and I complained to my friends about all the hard work I was doing. In the end, I was convinced that perhaps my take on this was wrong. In the end, I let him eat the damned daycare food and he was happy because he ate what everyone else ate! He loved it and he didn't die because of it. A friend of mine talked me into taking him to Mcdonald's because according to her "every child deserves a happy meal". You know something? He is not obese today because of it. In fact, today he knows that Mcdonald's isn't healthy but it is ok to eat it once in a while. He is not a picky eater either! Looking back at my early days as a mom and I have been doing much of that recently since my baby bat will be starting kindergarten next week, I can't help but laugh. I really wasn't being me and I tried too hard. I had very good intentions but knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't beat myself up over the breastfeeding issue and I would most probably still make homemade babyfood but I wouldn't trek half way across town to get it either! The idea of me as a crunchy granola hippy dippy mom makes me laugh! That is so not who I am!

First Mcdonald's and he is still alive
WTF do I do with this, mom?

I recently blogged about how I was able to go out guilt free and be childless Sylvie once in a while and today, I want to emphasize on that. I was never a "hippy dippy" person. I highly respect the mothers who are because I once knew the amount of dedication and hard work it takes. My hat's off to you! Again, It is just not for me.

I found a perfect balance for my family and we are ALL much happier. I want to put this out there, and although I said it before, I am going to say it again,  there is so much pressure for young moms nowadays to be the perfect mother. There is no right way, really. As long as you love your child, do what is best and not abuse them, I say we are on a good path!

What kind of mom do I see myself as? Well, definitely not the crunchy kind! I like to say I like to relate to Morticia Addams because she is the strong matriarch in her family. She loves her children, finds time to be an awesome wife but stays true to herself at the same time. Her husband is ever supportive and I love how they both are active in the upbringing of their children, there are no stereotypical gender roles!  Since becoming a mother, she is one of my role models. 

Speaking of Morticia Addams, just as I was finishing up this very post, I decided to do some blog reading and I noticed that Lucretia from the blog Lucretia's reflection posted about Morticia as well. She even put up a link to a very interesting article about how Morticia can be considered a Feminist Queen Who Has It All. That article highlights everything I wrote in my last paragraph and perfectly sums up on the kind of parent I see myself as! Thanks Lucretia for posting this and for your excellent timing as well as for the added inspiration! You're the best!

Monday, August 24, 2015

Blinded by the light

Last year, I missed out on my work's summer activity due to health reasons and this year, I was super excited to participate because we went to the water slides! How cool is that?  My enthusiasm quickly turned into anxiety over my body image then it escalated into being afraid of accidentally flashing my coworkers. It took me all weekend to write this post and I had a lot of fun doing it. The thoughts that ran into my head during my moments of anxiety last week still make me laugh today!

The story begins last summer when I purchased an R2D2 bathing suit as an impulse buy (yes, I am THAT geeky) and I never really wore it.

I was so stressed out by wearing this bathing suit to the water slides - the ONLY one I own because it showed way too much of my thighs that I didn't want to go anymore. It is sad. No one should feel this way. No one should feel ashamed of their bodies to the point they are thinking of purposely missing an activity.
Image source:

 Here are some of the funny thoughts I had with regards to wearing that bathing suit. It all started with the way I saw myself in that bathing suit and then it escalated to the fact I was paranoid about it becoming see-through in the water:

"My thighs jiggle"

" Fuck, I am pale. What if they get blinded by it in the sun?"

"Oh shit! I am going to see my coworkers in their bathing suits!"

"My bathing suit is white...what if it gets wet? ..... shit.... THEY ARE GOING TO SEE ME NAKED! NO ONE WANTS THAT! It's like having those stereotypical nightmares of going to school in your underwear or something. It would be so embarrassing like when a guy gets called to the blackboard in school!"

Visions of me standing in a faded R2 bathing suit with my bits exposed became a little too much for me because the last thing I want is any of my coworkers to see ANYTHING resembling a camel or a camel's toe on me! Add in my own personal insecurities about my body and the idea of wearing a bathing suit became less appealing. I honestly doubt they would have let me on the slides in shorts and a t-shirt so I knew if I wanted to have fun, I would have to find something to wear!  An hour before the stores closed, the night before the activity, I got in my car and hit the local mall. This time, my impulse buying was a lot better. I got a very nice one piece that covered the areas I was super self conscious about.  I even bought a cute bag to go with the bathing suit!

In the end, I realized that I was silly, that I let my own personal insecurities and anxiety get the best of me but by wearing something I felt comfortable in made me relax and enjoy my afternoon! I had so much fun! In the end, I really didn't care what I looked like. The lesson of the day: never let your own personal views on your body image ruin your day!

So there you have it. A day in the life of Sylvie!

Please excuse the photo quality and the boxes, I never go in that room and keep forgetting to move them! What I love about this bathing suit is that I can adjust the bottom. I can decide whether or not I want to show more skin, perfect for covering my thighs!

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Not another boring update post!

Hello Dear Readers,

As you have noticed, I changed my blog layout. I wanted something different. I do this every couple of months, I like change!  I have been meaning to do this for months and months, in fact Jessica from Chronically Vintage gave me an idea! She has a link page where she has links to other blogs she reads! What a really great idea! So.. I stole her idea! Hope you don't mind, Jessica. I figured since I was updating a page by adding a whole bunch of links, I might as well change the whole blog layout too!

Last night, I stayed up late re-vamping the layout to this blog and I listed each and everyone of you. If I have accidentally missed anyone, it was an error. I apologize for that. Just shout out to me (either on Facebook or e-mail) and I will gladly add you.

As for the future of my little blog, well I have some ideas. I am not a super duper crafty person but I do have some DIY projects planned. I will leave the major ones to our sewing bloggers (that reminds me, I have two more links I need to add to my page now!) I plan on posting more Mommy stuff, more geekery, more "Sylvie-isms" and more outfit posts. I do have some more cemetery visits planned in the fall (with all the beautiful foliage!) and just have fun. I say it many times but I must say it again, thank you for reading and being part of my journey!



Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The girl behind the blog

I wanted to write a post about me (aah, shameless narcissism!) and the things I like. I guess you could say this is a post about the girl behind this blog. Going out over the weekend (and thanks to a profound conversation I had with my friend) help cement some personal ideals I have and I got inspired to write about them.

I think it is very important to have hobbies and interests outside of the big ones. For myself, personally, yes, I love being goth, it is part of who I am and it always has been but it doesn't solely define me.  I am also a mom but that is only another major part of who I am. Just like being a mom or being goth, to me it is a way of life but there are other little things in between that are also important to me too. They also help define me.

I see so many young parents getting lost in parenthood. I did it too. My whole life became about Philip. I wasn't Sylvie anymore. I was Philip's Mommy. I dropped all my personal interests because I was thirty years old and was recently married. It was about time I grew up and started to think about having a family. We all know the story on how I went normal and rediscovered goth but what we don't know was just how much of a shell of a person I became. Motherhood or the potential to become a mother since this started before I got pregnant was my sole defining characteristic. How boring is that?  Don't get me wrong, I love being Philip's mom. He was REALLY wanted and I am so proud of him but things were not easy for the both of us in the beginning. I posted about my birth experience and I posted about the first few years of his life. Due to these experiences, combined with social pressure to have a kid, I can see why motherhood was the sole purpose in my life for some time.

I think it is healthy and important to have interests. Going out over the weekend confirmed that it is ok to take time out for yourself too. There is more to life than by just being someone's mommy. I know for me, it makes me a better mother and it shows my son that his mom is real. That I will always be there for him when he needs me and will always love him unconditionally but I am a person too.

It seems there is so much social pressure these days on young women. If you don't want kids, you are scrutinized for it and I know many, many, MANY women who do not want children of their own so why is it considered so abnormal? What is so wrong with that? Why is that anyone's business? This is between her and her partner! End of story!

 If you have one kid, people want to know why you are not having a second one. You HAVE to have a second child because EVERYONE is doing it. It was hell when Philip turned two years old and all the annoying questions started once again (ie when is the second one coming? Am I pregnant?). I am not like everyone and why should I ignore my well being (health and financial) because I need to conform to some unwritten, illogical rule to conceive a second child around the time your first one reaches two years old?

These questions are uncomfortable all the way around. Some women don't want kids, that's their choice, their business; Good for them! I wanted a family, that was the decision my husband and I made. Good for me! No one should care! It's personal! Some women can't conceive and/or have difficulty doing so. These questions are usually well intentional but they are also intrusive and hurtful!

It also seems like when you do have a kid, you immediately become member of some elite mommy group whether you want the membership or not. All of a sudden, your child is compared to theirs and it becomes a competition on who's kid did what first. There was so much social pressure to "fit in" and again, use my child as a form of identity. I refuse to do it.

 I am a Gothic mom but I am more than just being Philip's freaky mommy; I am a geek! I love all things Doctor Who, Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, and Anime's to name a few of my fandom's.  To add to my geekiness, I am also a gamer. I play video-games! Thanks to these interests, my son is becoming more and more of a geek himself everyday! I wonder if he will stick with it when he goes to school but if he doesn't, I am cool with that too.

Attention *Geeky photos below*

 If  I am not geeking out, I love being outdoors. Be it a BBQ or a nice hike in the woods, meditating in the forest, amongst the trees, I am in my zone! I love camping in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and being under the stars sharing good stories (and drinking, oh yes, lots and lots of drinks!) by a bonfire with a few trusted friends.

 I can be very open about a lot of things but am very private about a lot of things too. I feel like I should not have to explain myself to anyone, especially on matters concerning my private life and family. Like why I don't want anymore kids or why I do certain things or dress a certain way. My money, my life, none of your business!

 I have not always had a happy life but I embrace those dark times as they made the person I am today. I affiliate myself as a goth because it is part of who I am. Just yesterday, Philip asked to re-visit "Urgel Bergel" with me. While I am proud that he has the same interests as I do, I do not expect him to be an extension of myself either. If he decides to rebel one day and become an ultra conservative, preppy kid, I would smile and still love him.

I love to read and enjoy solitude but can be quite sociable yet I do not consider myself a "people person".  I can be very sympathetic towards people but I have no patience for stupidity! I do realize I can be very contradictory and it often confuses the hell out of people but what can I say? I am not a linear person. I do not take myself seriously at all and I love to laugh. The crude jokes/double entendres are my specialty! I have a dirty mind!

I am a proud mom. I am a proud geek. I am a goth chick. I am human. I have flaws.  I am a city girl but loves to be outdoors.  Don't like me, don't care! I am who I am and am at the point in my life, I am comfortable with that.

Monday, August 17, 2015

The return home

Since becoming a mother, I rarely have time to go out and I guess it is like that for most people. You have kids, they get sick or you are just plain too tired to do anything.

On Saturday night, I went out to an 80's/New Wave/ Industrial night that takes place every couple of months here in my city and now that my son is older, I am definitely going to do it more! I had so much fun and I recognized some familiar faces! I even met new people, which is always nice. The DJ delivered and the dance floor was packed.  It was nice to see the whole place packed with people too and it restored my faith in the goth scene over here. It is not dying!  Despite not fully participating to any goth event for many, many years due to many reasons (ie. went normal, had a kid, personal) it really felt like I was home and never really left. Just like the other handful of times I went out, I was welcomed back in open arms. People were friendly and kind, just like back in the Old Days and it was nice to see that things didn't change.

As most of you can tell by reading this blog, my outfits are usually basic (and easy) for work. It was nice to finally pull out a few items I stashed away for the evening. I am actually looking forward to going out AGAIN and seeing a new friend I recently made. We both not only painted the town red but black as well!

I forgot the age old rule: Boots before corset!

I like my makeup and expression here

Friday, August 14, 2015

Product review: L'Oréal Preference Mousse -Reusable Permanent Hair color

I noticed that my blonde roots were showing. My hair grows really fast and this is a pain in the butt  so yesterday I purchased a box of L'Oréal Preference Mousse - Reusable Permanent Hair color in black (naturally). I have been waiting a really long time to see this particular brand of dye in black and I jumped for joy when I saw it on the store shelves yesterday. I thought this would be the perfect dye for me because it is reusable (perfect for root touch ups) and I was more than willing to pay the higher price for it. Normally, I can get hair dye for about $7 to $10 (Canadian sale prices) but this dye was about $20 Canadian dollars, taxes included. A little more expensive than the other kinds but I thought I was still saving money because I can re-use it again. Considering my hair is short, I was hoping to get at least 3 uses out of it.

This is what the box looks like
What I liked about the dye was the fact that it came with two sets of BLACK gloves and a removable head so you can close it for storage. Be careful when pressing the button to get the dye out, it shoots out fast! Some of it flew across the room! It did not smell super strong and it was a mousse so no annoying dye running down your face.

The cap can be removed and replaced with a dispenser for use.
What I disliked: It did not cover my roots at all. It left my hair super oily and gross. I followed the instructions to the letter and the only part that looked black was my the rest of my hair. It seemed darker but it could be from all the oil. Gross! I made sure my hair was clean and had no products in it prior to putting the dye in it. I think this is a horrible product.I know not everyone is the same but personally, DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT. It is a waste of money! Now, I have to re-do my hair now but first I need to go wash out the oil. Blech!

This is after the dye. WTF?

My hair is all oily, just gross! Yuck!

The only one who is having a good hair day is Philip. He didn't really want his picture taken but trust me, he no longer looks like a shaggy dog. He is the only one between the two of us who is having a good hair day! Check out his cool Lego Star Wars T-shirt too!

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

My weight loss journey so far

I have been taking better care of myself over the past few months and I am seeing results. Granted, sometimes the results are not where you want to see them. The areas I want results are slow going and the areas I am happy with are the first to go! On the upside, this top I purchased a while back finally fits! Below are pictures of me lifting up my son, Philip up on a high tree branch. I would have never been able to do that a couple of months ago. My hard work is paying off! Note to self: need to dye these jeans back to black. Stupid fading!

Monday, August 10, 2015

Music spotlight:Vendemmian

Image source: Youtube
I have not featured any music on here for a while and thought it wold be fun to do so! I think the last time I featured an artist was for that 30 day blog challenge I did after reading Laura Morrigan's blog Roses and Vellum.

I love music and do have interests outside of goth. I like to think that 95% of my music tastes are goth related (be it either Trad goth, Post Punk, Industrial and EBM) my music tastes can sometimes be a little varied too. For example, the past two weeks, I have been listening to Queen! My son and I were totally rocking out to it in my car every morning. Who doesn't like Queen?

Over the weekend, I started listening to music that I have not listened to in a while. The band, Vendemmian was one of them! I got introduced to this band by my best friend when I was in my late teens. I love their sound and this is also great music to listen to while I am at work too!


Friday, August 7, 2015

Geeky Tee Friday

I already wore this shirt for my May 4th post but it is one of my favorites. I love Princess Leia from Star Wars. In fact, one of the many things that appeal to me in the Sci-fi/fantasy fandoms are the strong female leads. Princess Leia is pretty badass. She managed to kill Jabba the Hutt with the very chains he enslaved her with and she was the one who saved the love of her life!

Strong female leads are not only seen in Star Wars but in Doctor Who, Buffy The Vampire Slayer was pretty badass, and I enjoyed watching Ripley from the Aliens movie kick ass on screen. These are only but a few examples and it is always refreshing to see such strong female leads.

As you can tell, this is one of my favourite t-shirts!

I also participated in geeky tee-friday a couple of weeks ago where I showed off my Hello Kitty/Riversong shirt. I want to thank Lynoire, blogger at Space Unicorn again for posting about this event because it is a lot of fun! It gives me a great excuse to dress more casual, especially on a Friday. Plus, I get to pull out all my t-shirts and possibly buy more!

Are you into Sci-fi and/or fantasy? If so, which ones?

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Outfit of the day

This is an outfit that I personally feel pushes the boundaries a little at work. I know I am not wearing any ripped up clothing and I am not really breaking any rules. While my company doesn't really have a dress code,  I always feel like working as a receptionist, I am that first impression people make when they walk in and I always want to make a positive one. This is why I am super self conscience every morning when it comes to getting dressed. Again, I know I don't have to completely tone down but I don't ever want my boss to pull me aside and tell me that I am wearing something that isn't work appropriate either. I try to keep a fine balance of being a corp goth while leaning a little more towards the goth side than corporate because I can get away with it. I do not suggest you do this unless you are 100% sure your employer is on board. There is no way in hell my previous employer would allow me to come to work in this get up! I guess it all depends on the industry you are in and what kind of corporate policies are in place. I made sure to double check with HR prior to wearing certain articles of clothing. This top is one of them!

Sometimes my paranoia is misplaced because every time I wear this outfit, I get nothing but positive compliments from my colleagues.

Behold the magic empty tube! My son pretends he is an evil scientist and that is his test tube thing.

Making faces at my son because that's how we roll!
I dropped it and it got caught on my skirt!

And more faces at my son. He was in his window making faces back at me!


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