Wednesday, November 11, 2015

An open letter to the father (or legal guardian) who belittled his daughter this morning

To that dad (or legal guardian) that yelled at his kid and asked her if she was "fucking stupid" this morning:

I am a firm believer in the "it takes a whole village to raise a child" sort of deal. Don't get me wrong, I can be cynical and I might not always have a positive view on other parents, especially towards the more mainstream, conservative ones. I pretty much stick to myself BUT there were times having other parents nearby came in handy. Being a parent is most certainly one of the most difficult jobs we ever had to do and we need to stick together for the welfare of our children.

As a parent, I know how easy it is to lose patience. In fact, I also lost patience with my son this morning.  He started taking his sweet ass time getting ready, just like what I witnessed between yourself and your daughter. In fact, my son is much younger. He had a full scale meltdown before leaving our home and I yelled at him to "GET HIS SHOES ON, NOW!" It was not my shining moment as a parent. I am pretty sure the whole block was able to hear my bellowing pissed off "mom voice". If  you would have simply lost your patience, I would have understood. In fact, I would have given you a sympathetic nod. Who am I to judge, right? We have all had our shameful parenting moments.

It is when I heard your extreme yelling, foul language, name calling is what made me rage. It was not a shameful parenting moment at all. It was abuse. I did not judge you for losing your patience, I judged you on how you reacted towards your daughter. You don't need to physically hit someone for it to be considered abuse. I am sure we can unanimously agree that a child is a gift . To see and hear such things is not only heartbreaking, it is also infuriating. As a mother, seeing the look on your poor child's face afterwards made me just want to take her in my arms and comfort her. In fact, I was almost in tears myself.

In the moment, while you were yelling at her,  I was unsure what to do. I wanted to yell at you and to knock some sense into you! I knew there was a good chance of an altercation (after all look at the way you handled your child, what makes me think you would have dealt with me any better?)  Do I want my own son to witness a potential altercation between us? He was oblivious to what was going on and I was grateful he was. I overheard some of the things you were yelling at her and I bet the other mom dropping off her child noticed as well. We both looked at each other in shock. By the time my son was safely inside the school, you sped away down the street. Not only did you not wait to watch your child walk safely inside the school, you drove off well over the legal speed limit in a school zone. Children cross that street to go into school! It is bad enough that you showed a lack of concern for your daughter's well being but you also put other people's children at risk!

Perhaps it is not very nice of me to expose all this drama over the Internet, all over my blog no less but why should I protect someone who clearly has no respect for anyone? I decided I needed to do something, say something! I felt horrible I did not get a chance to speak to you directly and to give you a piece of my mind! So I am doing it here.

I strongly feel that the person doing the bullying/abusing  (you) is not the only person responsible if there are witnesses around. I am also responsible and believe me,  I will NOT put my head down and go about my day like nothing happened.  I bet a pretty penny this little girl spent most of her morning thinking about how her parent treated her while she was in class. I was not going to let this fly by.  I called the daycare service at the school. I explained in full detail what happened.I felt like that was the best I could do. They assured me they will look into this.

The point of this is to not toot my own horn. I simply got inspired and want to advise people not to bow their heads and walk away in these situations. Call someone. Take action. I learned today that they take these things seriously in schools. I was afraid of sounding silly but in the end, I was glad I brought it to their attention.

As for the parent to that beautiful little girl,  I will be keeping my eyes open whenever I drop my son off from now on.

6 comments:

  1. It is really hard to intervene to somebody's parenting, especially in a constructive way. That sort of behavior was not acceptable, but how to bring change within a person who does not respect others and probably does not respect their opinions either? :( For the little child's sake I hope you and perhaps the staff of the school can react to it the next time you witness that man's behavior! :)

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    1. Yes it is really hard. I think the safest bet for me is to continue to work with the school on this. If someone could be that unstable to treat a child that way, there is no telling what else that person is capable of. I feel sorry for that little girl, I really do but I need to protect my son's wellbeing too. I did not feel it was good for him to witness something like that at his age. I looked out for the little girl this morning. I didn't see her but I will be keeping my eyes open from now. The school advised me not to confront the person, it could get ugly. It is best to bring it to them and let them handle it. It is sad because I really want to give the jerk a piece of my mind :/

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  2. I also think that intervention on someone else's parenting is a hard thing to do, but I'm glad Sylvie that you did this. I hope this incident was a one off for that guy, and that it serves as a wakeup call to his parenting. I know what it's like to loose your patience with your child, I'm suffering with a hormone imbalance that leaves me with horrid mood swings and I hate the way I shout sometimes. Parenting is fucking hard and we all need to support each other more :)

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  3. Wow. Hope the daycare talks to the man about it.

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  4. I don't like to watch this sort of abuse either. It's super triggery. But it's worse to get involved, and it's good you didn't. You could have gotten hurt, or he'd apologize and retaliate on the kid later. No matter what you do or say, they'll never think they're doing anything wrong--abusive people twist reality. It's never "wow, I was out of line," it's "why'd you do this thing that makes me so angry! Now look what you'd made me do!" It's really tragic, and it's sad that there aren't too many options for minors to escape these situations.

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  5. As someone who was very bullied, belittled, abused, and tormented by some of my close relatives as a child, this post cut straight to the core with me and I can't thank you enough for what you did to try and help this poor child. I hope with all my heart that some good is able to come out of it for her.

    ♥ Jessica

    ♥ Jessica

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