Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Of being played like a violin




Last week, Philip's first week of kindergarten went ok.  He came home on Friday and he was not happy. According to him, kids laughed when he got marker on his shirt, some kid tried to take his Goldfish crackers, and a kid made a face at him (stuck his tongue out). I thought his complaints were not really legitimate complaints about being bullied  since he told the kid not to touch his stuff (the kid obliged) and I think the whole sticking the tongue out was a game the other kid was trying to play. I bet this was  coming from an overly stimulated, very shy little boy who is trying to get used to a new school, new faces (all the kids from his daycare class went to another school) and perhaps fear. He was bullied in daycare and might be afraid it will happen again.

I was concerned and I listened to his grievances, I offered advice and even played role-playing games with him (you're the teacher and I am the kid in class sort of game) in order to get the scoop of what is going on in the classroom. This was great considering the little bugger didn't want to tell me anything! 

All weekend, my anxiety over the kid going to school as well as the school daycare (the BASIC program - we don't call it daycare in my house, he's a big boy now, remember?) was escalating. I imagined all kinds of scenarios and I got migraine after migraine. My back started acting up and I had to resort to taking my prescribed  anti-inflammatory again for it.I heard these complaints ALL weekend long.

It was a long weekend here too, Labor day or Labour Day as us Canadians spell it! I had that extra day of hearing my kid's grievances and letting my anxiety fester. My husband knew I was a mess and did what he could to help me. My kid, on the other hand, had no frigging clue what was going on with me on the inside. I blamed my migraines on weather changes! I hid my feelings so well, I was the Strong One.I wanted to be there for him.

Tuesday morning rolls around and I drop him off.  He walked in the school daycare (it's not daycare, it's BASIC!) program with his head down as if he were walking to the gallows. My heart sank. I was told his program was being switched to another classroom. I take him there. This classroom had less kids and it seemed...quieter?

All day, at work, I was a nervous wreck. All my coworkers and kind friends tried to reassure me that everything will be fine. It's normal. He's a kid. Obviously, it didn't work. In the end, I was anxious over being anxious! Who knew that could happen? By the time I got home, I was a basket case!

Unlike last Friday, despite being a basket case and expecting to hear tales of horror, I was greeted by a very happy little boy. The BASIC program he bitched about no one liking him? He loved going there. The lunch program he bitched about all weekend? He loves the lunch lady and the kids there. He commented on preferring the new, quieter, Basic classroom in the morning too. Less stimulation, less kids to deal with, better for his shyness. I am so happy they placed him there!

This morning's (Wednesday) drop off was the complete opposite from yesterday. He was no longer walking to the gallows like the day before! He was chipper, smiling. He even walked to the BASIC room all by himself ( a 6th grader did follow him there to make sure he didn't get lost) and he even forgot to give me good-bye hugs and kisses!

While I do think his grievances were real to him over the weekend (to a certain degree)  I strongly suspect he played on them too. I was strong and resolute in his eyes but in reality, that really wasn't the case. I am sure he will have days that won't go in his favor but I will be better equipped at handling it! I think he played on his grievances and tried to take advantage of them to test the waters so to speak. He wondered what special things/attention he could get from Mom.  I am proud I didn't cave on that. I did my best at offering words of comfort, some extra cuddles, and playing new games  but yeah...with the anxiety and stress, the kid still played me like a violin!


5 comments:

  1. At least now you learned that he is able to do this! I think it takes a lot of brains to register your feelings, understand how to ewoke them even more and try to come up with guilt tripping - this means your boy is pretty sharp! But still this is not good behaviour... ^^

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  2. LOL thanks. I like the way I handled it all too. I was supportive of his feelings and gave him comfort BUT I didnt offer to buy any new toys or special things (his birthday is today, incidentally) I like to think that at least he knows that there are boundaries, that his parents will be there for him when he needs it but to not take advantage of it either.

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  3. Heheheh, kids ALL do that, I think! I think you did a great job dealing with it! And sometimes their molehills really DO look like mountains to them, especially when they are new and strange molehills. But perhaps the new, smaller class allowed him relax enough to enjoy himself. I wouldn't worry about it unless the complaints start up again, then you might want to find out from the teachers what exactly is going on.

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  4. Thanks, Lucretia. I think I did a good job too, and I am proud of how I dealt with it. I think you are right too their molehills do look like mountains to them. I wanted to be there for him because the way I see it, if I am not there for the little things, he wont come to me for the bigger things later on. I agree too. I am not going to worry about it until the complaints start then I will get to the bottom of it.

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  5. You (the entire family) definitely did great here :-)

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