Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The girl behind the blog

I wanted to write a post about me (aah, shameless narcissism!) and the things I like. I guess you could say this is a post about the girl behind this blog. Going out over the weekend (and thanks to a profound conversation I had with my friend) help cement some personal ideals I have and I got inspired to write about them.

I think it is very important to have hobbies and interests outside of the big ones. For myself, personally, yes, I love being goth, it is part of who I am and it always has been but it doesn't solely define me.  I am also a mom but that is only another major part of who I am. Just like being a mom or being goth, to me it is a way of life but there are other little things in between that are also important to me too. They also help define me.


I see so many young parents getting lost in parenthood. I did it too. My whole life became about Philip. I wasn't Sylvie anymore. I was Philip's Mommy. I dropped all my personal interests because I was thirty years old and was recently married. It was about time I grew up and started to think about having a family. We all know the story on how I went normal and rediscovered goth but what we don't know was just how much of a shell of a person I became. Motherhood or the potential to become a mother since this started before I got pregnant was my sole defining characteristic. How boring is that?  Don't get me wrong, I love being Philip's mom. He was REALLY wanted and I am so proud of him but things were not easy for the both of us in the beginning. I posted about my birth experience and I posted about the first few years of his life. Due to these experiences, combined with social pressure to have a kid, I can see why motherhood was the sole purpose in my life for some time.

I think it is healthy and important to have interests. Going out over the weekend confirmed that it is ok to take time out for yourself too. There is more to life than by just being someone's mommy. I know for me, it makes me a better mother and it shows my son that his mom is real. That I will always be there for him when he needs me and will always love him unconditionally but I am a person too.

It seems there is so much social pressure these days on young women. If you don't want kids, you are scrutinized for it and I know many, many, MANY women who do not want children of their own so why is it considered so abnormal? What is so wrong with that? Why is that anyone's business? This is between her and her partner! End of story!

 If you have one kid, people want to know why you are not having a second one. You HAVE to have a second child because EVERYONE is doing it. It was hell when Philip turned two years old and all the annoying questions started once again (ie when is the second one coming? Am I pregnant?). I am not like everyone and why should I ignore my well being (health and financial) because I need to conform to some unwritten, illogical rule to conceive a second child around the time your first one reaches two years old?

These questions are uncomfortable all the way around. Some women don't want kids, that's their choice, their business; Good for them! I wanted a family, that was the decision my husband and I made. Good for me! No one should care! It's personal! Some women can't conceive and/or have difficulty doing so. These questions are usually well intentional but they are also intrusive and hurtful!

It also seems like when you do have a kid, you immediately become member of some elite mommy group whether you want the membership or not. All of a sudden, your child is compared to theirs and it becomes a competition on who's kid did what first. There was so much social pressure to "fit in" and again, use my child as a form of identity. I refuse to do it.

 I am a Gothic mom but I am more than just being Philip's freaky mommy; I am a geek! I love all things Doctor Who, Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, and Anime's to name a few of my fandom's.  To add to my geekiness, I am also a gamer. I play video-games! Thanks to these interests, my son is becoming more and more of a geek himself everyday! I wonder if he will stick with it when he goes to school but if he doesn't, I am cool with that too.

Attention *Geeky photos below*




 If  I am not geeking out, I love being outdoors. Be it a BBQ or a nice hike in the woods, meditating in the forest, amongst the trees, I am in my zone! I love camping in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and being under the stars sharing good stories (and drinking, oh yes, lots and lots of drinks!) by a bonfire with a few trusted friends.

 I can be very open about a lot of things but am very private about a lot of things too. I feel like I should not have to explain myself to anyone, especially on matters concerning my private life and family. Like why I don't want anymore kids or why I do certain things or dress a certain way. My money, my life, none of your business!

 I have not always had a happy life but I embrace those dark times as they made the person I am today. I affiliate myself as a goth because it is part of who I am. Just yesterday, Philip asked to re-visit "Urgel Bergel" with me. While I am proud that he has the same interests as I do, I do not expect him to be an extension of myself either. If he decides to rebel one day and become an ultra conservative, preppy kid, I would smile and still love him.

I love to read and enjoy solitude but can be quite sociable yet I do not consider myself a "people person".  I can be very sympathetic towards people but I have no patience for stupidity! I do realize I can be very contradictory and it often confuses the hell out of people but what can I say? I am not a linear person. I do not take myself seriously at all and I love to laugh. The crude jokes/double entendres are my specialty! I have a dirty mind!

I am a proud mom. I am a proud geek. I am a goth chick. I am human. I have flaws.  I am a city girl but loves to be outdoors.  Don't like me, don't care! I am who I am and am at the point in my life, I am comfortable with that.

13 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post! I don't think it's narcissistic, it definitely gives us something to get to know you a little better. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad you came back to Goth.

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  2. I absolutely loved reading this post it quite comical. My favourite part was the last paragraphs, I found the style and flow comical

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    1. Yaaay! I was trying to be comical too

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  3. Totally agree with you here. I think especially in the first 6 months to a year of your child's life, it is very hard to get that balance, I literally felt lile my sole purpose was mama and on the rare occasion I went somewhere without my daughter I was constantly still in mummy mode and would look around wondering if people could tell if I had a child or not. It's a lot easier now she's not a little baby anymore though.

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    1. It gets easier too the older they get, you will see! I totally understand where you are coming from!

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  4. Uhm...You know, it might sound weird, but I think, that there are people who should have children and people who shouldn't. The people who should have kids are those who either want to devote themselves to their family or those who find balance between their family and their own insterest without abandoning either of the two...like you. Does it make sense? Anyway, I think you're absolutely right. ^^

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    1. I don't think it sounds weird either, I agree with you

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  5. It doesn't sound weird at all Lynoire. Makes perfect sense to me!

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  6. Yeah you really can't win ... I get comments from both ends... Why I should have kids, why I shouldn't. And I'm married.... I couldn't imagine what it's like for someone in their thirties or forties and they're single.

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  7. I love this post! People should never feel stuck in one identity! It is sad sometimes mums are pressured to be all about being a mum! Loving your chikd is great but you need your own identity too!

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  8. great post! there should always be more than one thing one loves!

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  9. I swear, I'm almost trembling because everything that you said (swap in "vintage" for "goth") describes what I've been feeling and thinking lately, too, regarding our focuses vs our hobbies and how the two interact or don't in our lives. Thank you very much for penning this great post and for letting me know that I'm not the only one with such thoughts on my mind.

    Big hugs,
    ♥ Jessica

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