Saturday, July 25, 2015

Some parenting goals - I don't want to be that mother in law!

This isn't really goth related but I came across something on Facebook and it got me fuming. It got me thinking about what kind of Monster-In-Law I envision myself to be one day, if that should ever happen. 

I know I will never be that stereotypical mother in law. I want my son to be independent. He is NOT an extension of myself and I really do want him to have a life of his own one day. All I ask for is the occasional visit and phone call.I will surely miss him once he ventures out on his own and will probably become a crazy cat lady again but that's ok.

Due to some of my past experiences, some people do not see things the way I do. Some people think their adult children have responsibilities to them and their children actually owe them for all the shit they have done for them as a child! Some parents think they can control their adult kids lives. I may not like everyone he decides to go out with later on, or his career choice and I might hate his future spouse with a passion but I am not going to interfere.I will not call 100 times a day and I will most certainly keep my negative comments to myself. It is his life. If he is happy then so am I.

Seeing pictures like this on Facebook, although they are intent on being funny,  not only causes me to take a look at myself but it pisses me off. It only perpetuates the stereotypical relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law:



Today, I vow to NOT be that parent. I vow to raise Philip to not only treat people right but to have enough self confidence/respect enough to walk away when he feels like he is being taken advantage of. To my future daughter or son in law: I promise to not be your worse nightmare and hopefully you can feel comfortable enough to come visit me or see me if you need anything. Most importantly, if he chooses you to spend the rest of HIS life with, I know deep down, he has made a right choice so I plan to butt out!

16 comments:

  1. I second this post!!! My son is 25 now, has not lived at home in about two years, has his own life, and a wonderful girlfriend that we adore and who adores him. If/when he marries, I will do my best to be not just a mother-in-law to his wife, but a "mother-in-love." And we will live our lives and let them live their lives, hoping we will be a part of each others' lives in whatever way is best for all of us.

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  2. Lol they should rename that list "ten reasons why your son doesn't talk to you anymore." If I was a dude I'd die of embarrassment if my mom posted that

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    1. Seriously! I bet some of these women seriously wonder why their adult children have nothing to do with them anymore.

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  3. I think that many of today's parents are a little overprotective and this hinders personality development in their children. If you never encounter a "no" or a disaproval or simply that you cannot win in a competition before being an adult/in working life, how will you develop frustration tolerance? If your mum follows the above set of rules, how will you learn to deal with a relationsship like a grownup? In the end, your son is is own person and has to make (bad) decisions himself. After all, we learn bet from making mistakes, right?!

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  4. I am lucky to have an awesome mother in law who is also a good friend... my mum was definitely overprotective, it is so hard for kids when a parent is like that!

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    1. your lucky you have a great mother in law

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  5. It`s hard to get it right, Of my 2 stepsons partners I`m very lucky with one, and I just keep quite with the other.

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  6. I love it, and read this to the boyfriend who found amusing about when your son ventures forth and you'll resort to returning to crazy cat lady

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  7. Also, I am comming to a stage in my life where i am dubious and doubt I will ever my own children. There is certainly one thing I am determined will happen; I will also be a fellow crazy cat lady as well

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  8. definitely love the fact you are not talking only about girls he might bring home :-) and well I think you will do perfectly fine and whoever he will introduce to you should be happy for you being the way you are <3 oh, how many cats do you think you will adopt?

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    1. LOL thanks Ramona. The way I see it, who knows, he might be bringing home boys one day too! Before I got married and met my husband, I had 4 cats. Everyone in my family made jokes about how it was a good thing I was getting married because it would hopefully stop me from adopting more. When i moved in with my husband, he had a cat too so in total we had 5 cats at one point. Most of them died over the years from old age and now we only have 2!

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    2. I forgot to add, if I could have 5 cats...who knows how many I would adopt LOL My husband is bracing himself. He said he won't stop me either because it would prevent me from going totally bat shit crazy :p

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  9. Hear, hear!!! I agree with you a million percent and think that world would be an infinitely healthier, happier place and all parents could be as opened minded, wise, and caring as you are.

    ♥ Jessica

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