"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to."
- Stephen King, Dolores Claiborne
I don't know about you guys but I am notorious for having issues with other women.
There is always one person and it is usually another woman that tends to dislike me. I never know the reason why and I don't suspect it is something I did that pissed them off either.This has been an issue for a very long time, since I was a little girl.
I spent a good portion of my life trying to think of reasons and made all kinds of assumptions that I did something to piss them off. I remember approaching one of these girls and I was told that I was a bitch. When I asked whether or not I did anything, I would just get the same response: I am just a bitch. Granted, this happened in High school, a very long time ago, I did spend many years thinking something was wrong with me.
Today, I take it as a compliment. If I am "being a bitch" perhaps it is because I stood up for something I believe in or I asserted my personal boundaries. If that is the case, then I don't see it as being a bitch at all. It always bothers me when I hear someone say something along the lines of: "I was being a bitch because I stood up for myself"
No, honey, you weren't "being a bitch". It is called having self respect. As girls, we were often told to never say no, to be people pleasers, to always be kind, soft and delicate. That is absolute rubbish. We need to stop undermining our own sense of self worth.
If we are not "being a bitch", then we are fighting amongst each other for petty reasons. I hold the firm belief that girls insult each other while real women support each other. I am tired of some hidden competition of who's skinnier, prettier, smarter and whatever lame reason. Why can't we look beyond our waistlines and hold each other up? How are ever going to find equality when we are too busy fighting amongst each other over what we look like? Seriously, this has to stop.
Although I do agree with blaming the media- to a certain extent and I do truly do agree that this does affect our sense of self worth, we also need to start looking at ourselves, not just pointing fingers at something else. The media or the photoshopped images of women on magazine covers are partially to blame. In addition to the media being at fault, I also think we should start blaming ourselves for the way we behave towards each other. The media doesn't control your reactions, only YOU can have that control. Take back that control. The media may influence the way you perceive things but you are still in control of your thoughts and actions.
Personally, I never encountered this kind of behavior within the subculture, with the exception of elitists. I hope this is the same for you. This is one of the very many reasons why I love being goth; we help each other out. I would also like the point out that the blogging community is also fantastic. Seriously, you guys are awesome!
All our lives we are hearing all these negative ideas about our gender, it is ridiculous. I am tired of being told that I "throw like a girl" or that I "fight like a girl". If we choose, we don't have to be "strong for a girl" but just be really strong instead. We can throw really far and we can fight really well if that is what we choose. Let's stop listening to those silly ideals and prove them wrong! Again, never let anyone undermine who you are. Be yourself. If you like makeup and being a "girly girl" that is ok. If you are athletic and have no patience for the more conventional female stuff, that is ok too. If you want to do both, why not? Don't let any silly ideals hold you back. It is also the same for guys. While I obviously cannot speak from a guy's point of view, I am sure there are many men out there who are tired of hearing "grow a set" or "be a man".
Again, thanks to the goth scene, I don't think this is much of an issue either. After all, men wear makeup along with the women!
So yes dear readers, today's post is a good old fashion rant. I realize I covered many issues in this post but it all leads to one thing in common: we need to stop fighting amongst each other, we need to stop restriction ourselves or each other based on gender. Have you been in a similar situation? Anything I may have missed or you want to add? If so! Please share your thoughts!