Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Goth + happy+positive?

"Where's the girl I fell in love with? Where did she go?
Where's that kind and gentle princess
Of my dreams?
Where did she go?
Why'd she go away?
Where did she go?
Why'd you take her away from me?
Where's the child who use to play there
In your eyes?
Could it be she still resides there
In disguise?
Everyday I look for a sign
It's all in vain, a colossal waste of time
What have you done to her?
Why have you taken her away?
Where have you buried her?
Hid from the light of day
(So far away from me
So out of reach)
(Does she still live behind your eyes?)" - Voltaire, Boo Hoo album, "Where's The Girl"





Since coming back to goth, I noticed that I am a hell of a lot more positive and happy. I know it sounds funny, aren't we supposed to be all dark and brooding or something? Most goths I know are a pretty happy bunch, and that thought amuses me.

A couple of years ago, during my "normal" years, (the thought of me being normal always makes me chuckle) I was very depressed but no one seemed to notice. Nowadays, sometimes people would ask me if I am sad because of the way I look. I always found that amusing too. 

I was sad for various reasons; there was a lot of personal trauma during those years after I left the goth scene. One of the reasons for that bout of unhappiness was due to having an identity crisis. Who wouldn't feel down when they look like a carbon copy of everyone else? I like to say I had an early mid-life crisis!

I also realized that no longer associating myself with things that made me happy, by trying to hide an important part of myself only made me feel sad. It was like there was something missing.

I had friends who never cared whether or not I liked bats or would go for a stroll in a cemetery. I did also have friends who never really got to know the real me, they only saw a fraction of who I really was. That was the saddest part. I never laughed, never smiled and never really talked about or shared the things I loved the most because I felt like I needed to "grow up"and "grow out of it". I realize now how foolish I was.



During my teenaged years, I went through a depression (think of Darlene in the show Roseanne). Not long after I started to embrace the goth lifestyle, I was laughing and going out more. Whenever my friends would call the house, they often had conversations with my parents, much to my disapproval. My parents liked my friends! My grades started improving too and I made the honor roll!  If I was not going out, I was home in my room reading books and telling my parents all about what I read, which ranged from Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare, Anne Rice and Nancy Kilpatrick, of course. I even had a part time job, after all, buying CDs and clothing can be expensive! Instead of bumming around the house being a pain in the ass, I was out being productive.

I know some people ask me if things became more complicated now that I dress all in black. I really don't think so. Things were a hell of a lot more difficult back then,when I had that identity crisis.  As I posted before, when I first came back, I went through a major filtering process with people I associated myself with. I am much happier now and things that used to bother me back then, don't anymore. I am no longer "just getting by" or "surviving" and I certainly stopped complaining about all my petty problems all the time.  I am living my life. I am doing things that make me happy and at the end of the day, if anyone judges me over my own personal lifestyle choices, it just teaches my son a valid lesson; there are some cruel people out there. Yes, I get it. I work and I don't always get to wear the things I would want to wear, yet I like my job, on the other hand, I will never completely sell out again either. As long as I there is a healthy balance between being a mother, a wife and holding down a full time job, there is nothing wrong with enjoying activities outside of the house.

There is so much pressure on women nowadays. We want it all and some of us lose ourselves in the process. Remember, you were who you were before you got married/divorced and had kids. There is nothing wrong with being that girl too. Don't lose her in the process. It is ok to change, if that is what you really want but you shouldn't do it because you feel like you "need to" or that is what society expects of you.

I had an epiphany this week and an unrelated event that happened today on reinforces that belief. Enjoy your life, it goes by too fast. Don't be unhappy. Do what makes you happy and don't let anyone take that away from you. Remeber, "the only power someone has over you, is what you give them"

8 comments:

  1. well that's great! my husband and I were discussing the "goth lifestyle" (big air quotes) and past friends of ours who took the misery/gloom too seriously and the whole 90s "f the world" mentality too seriously. I'd had friends who wallowed and wallowed in misery and went on drugs and died, he'd had friends who didn't want to "sell out" and are still living EXACTLY as they did in high school (20 years later!), working the same jobs, doing the same thing. none of them are happy. you only live once and you might as well live it happily, with courage, and with positive people around you.

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    1. My husband and I have friends like that too! Someone once said, I think it might be Jillian Venters or Voltaire that "you don't grow out of goth, you grow into it" I like that sentiment!

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  2. I hear ya! When I was a young happy goth surrounded by gloomy gloom goths, I always thought I wasn't goth enough (how many times can I write goth in this sentence :p ). I thought we were supposed to be gloomy. This was partly a worry because I had the coolest boyfriend of all my friends and I worried that he wanted me to be more down/less peppy/ more dreary??? Years later he married a woman who pretty much was me-- same personality, same silly ridiclous jokes, etc. It validated my youthful dating. I enjoy some pretty dark humor, am beyond sarcastic, and have a naturally frowny face until I'm animated in conversation. But I do laugh and act silly because isn't wearing bats on our clothing and in our hair supposed to be fun?!? I say Yes!

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    1. Yes I agree. wearing bats are fun! I think that is why so many people "grow out of it" because they think they need to be angsty/gloomy all the time!

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  3. I recall being told by my work colleagues in my 20s that I couldn't possibly be a proper goth because I laughed too much! Yet every time I go to Whitby Goth Weekend I'm surrounded by goths giggling, laughing, having a ball. Sure, there is always the gothier-than-thou clique, but most folks are there to PARTY! Particularly us elder goths. And in my case, eat cheesy chips ;)

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    1. Hear Hear! Cheesy chips! :) I would love to go to Whitby. One day.

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  4. I have heard this a lot, that people are less Goth when they are sad, more back into Goth when they are happy. It makes me smile. I am glad to know that Goth stuff makes so many people happy. As most people who know me know, I sometimes wear Gothy stuff and sometimes other styles like faery or steampunk, whatever I feel makes me happy. When I was younger I left Goth because I was unhappy because of expectations, trying to fit in in the Goth scene. Now that I am older, I feel more able to just like what I want and do what I want and be happy being the kind of Gothy girl I am, and who cares what anyone, Goth or non Goth thinks! :)

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