I plan on doing monthly updates, maybe semi-monthly depending on the need.This blog is not only about being a gothic working gal in the office but also about being a mother. I know I sometimes post about other things too because I personally like variety! For today, I am going to follow my blog's theme, I am going to post a little about what it was like for me being a new mother and how instead of feeling blessed about carrying a baby for nine months, I totally fat shamed myself.
When I was a new mother, one of the first things I did, aside from worrying about the baby, was beating myself up over my body instead of embracing the fact that I carried this beautiful baby boy to term despite the complications I had during delivery! I spent a lot of time criticizing myself because I had a fat arse and thunder things.The photos below are of me (taken when I went normal, no less!) and it was about 6 to 8 weeks after I had my son.I looked so tired, ha!
During those times of self loathing and fat shaming, I discovered a wonderful website called "The Shape Of A Mother" which I highly recommend for any new mother who is insecure with their body. It really helped me see my body in a more positive light, especially during days where I didn't feel very beautiful. I was very, super thin before I had my son and then boom! I got curves, a fat ass and the only good thing that happened, I finally got the bigger breast size I always wanted but never had!
Since giving birth, I have been struggling to lose the chub around my butt and my thighs. I am very self conscious over these areas. I read somewhere that those are the hardest places to lose weight. The part I am most disappointed in myself is, I would start a good work out habit and then I would get sick or hit with a migraine. I was told by my Doctor that I need to start really, really slow and go easy on the cardio. Believe it or not, I am not the only person where running is a migraine trigger for them!So I would give up. I got discouraged way too easily because I let my negative attitude wear me down.I felt like a failure and that my body failed me once again. My body changed a lot since giving birth. For one thing, I always had migraines but they became more frequent since I had my son.
On a more positive side, this year, my goal is to not give up and work out. I am determined to do it.I am tired of feeling ashamed. I am a strong person, the type that doesn't let anyone put me down so why am I doing this to myself? So what if I get sick? Just get back on the horse and keep going!
I plan on taking progress photos of my thighs, tummy and butt sort of a before and after thing so I can see results. This is my way of not backing down. I am committed. I just put myself on the spot! Hopefully, this can help motivate others to get active too!
My super supportive hubby took photos of my belly and thighs last night, January 1st (see below) and I noticed something. While he was taking the photos, I had my eyes closed, I was embarrassed and I tried to ignore that little voice in my head fat shaming myself. In fact, I told that voice to eff off!
Afterwards, when I looked at those photos, part of me thought "wow, I am beautiful. Now, I see what he (my husband) sees " I looked at the stretch marks and remembered what it was like to have a baby move around in there. It gave me a sense of pride. So here are these photos and look at my cute Kermit The Frog jammies! That night, I re-started doing my lunges, squats, sit ups. I only did 5 of each but I vowed to double my efforts each day. I am starting off small but I do have other activities planned. The sit ups were the hardest part. Aside from special occasions, I don't always eat tons but I also vowed to eat a little healthier in addition to being a little more active. This year's Bat Fit theme is all about nourishment. I am nourishing myself by being more active, eating a little healthier,indulging in my creative side, working towards a career and going to start loving my body again.
These photos here (see below) were taken last night, January 1st and in a month from now, I plan on taking more. This way, I have no choice but to continue, despite the migraines and despite getting sick (hopefully I won't but my immune system sucks)
I do realize that there are many times I see myself bigger than I actually am. I know I am not overweight. I am doing this for me because I spent all my life very thin and fit. This is the first time in my life I have been this ill and unfit. It may not show in these pictures but I am a women's US size 11 or 12, I used to be a size 3! I do not want to be that small again (I was smoking when I was size 3) but I was a nice size 7 after I quit and much healthier. My goal is to get back into those single digits. My body feels so discombobulated sometimes, it is embarrassing because I have to pull my t-shirts down to cover my stomach. I once said humourously that I think I resemble an Oompa Loompa! I don't think I was fat shaming myself there with that remark, though. I often laugh at the difficult times, it gets me by.
So if you are like me and you hear that little voice of doubt, tell it to eff off! It worked for me!